themightycross.blogspot

2007-07-31T19:00:00.001+08:00

i'm craving sushi again.

2007-07-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

Lord, let the south korean hostages know you're with them. and Lord, please give them peace. for the two men that have already been killed, thank you for bringing them to a better place. comfort their families hearts, help them not to lose faith in you. soften the hearts of the taliban, so that they will set the hostages free. and Lord i pray that above all, you would give the hostages courage.

i know you're still in control.

2007-07-29T22:57:00.000+08:00

what pains me the most is seeing how people i used to know so well have changed, for the worst.

sometimes it makes me wonder if it's my fault.. maybe i could have stopped them from changing. maybe i could have loved them more. maybe i could have given them more attention. maybe i could have continued to catch up with them even after we went our separate ways. maybe, just maybe i could have done something.

we once thought the same way, didn't we? we once laughed together, cried together, did things together. but yet now, it's like i hardly know any of them anymore. what happened? and why do people change so much and so fast? i really wish i knew.

i really wonder if it's my fault they changed so much, if i could have done something to prevent it from happening.

then it won't hurt so much anymore.

who will go for us
who will shout to the corners of the earth
that Christ is King

2007-07-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

hello world (:

it's 3am, and i'm 5 hours past my bedtime, which means i'll be a zombie tmr. i mean, today. ahh.. you know. but it doesn't matter if i'm a zombie; because one more day, and then i can finally breathe! (i know i said that last friday but hey, it works every week.) really looking forward to the busy weekend, starting friday night. busy busy busy, yet busy with all the funner things in life! (:

~~this week.. no scratch that.~~ every week since the start of the term is passing really really quickly. it's crazy, counting down weeks to prelims are like counting seconds sometimes. i really need time to slow down. i need time to catch my breath!

more than ever now, i really need Jesus.

Lord i need you
i need you
i need you
draw me nearer
draw me closer
as i surrender

2007-07-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

there's nothing like spending an hour on an emaths question, and getting the correct answer at the end (:

man, satisfactions do come easy!

2007-07-21T12:01:00.000+08:00

i'm tired and hungry. ):

and i have 15 minutes to put on sth pretty and wear some pretty makeup, then it's off to a wedding! yay, food food, glorious food (:

anyhoo, i was just thinking about how ironic life can be sometimes. the more you grow up, the more you realise how young you actually are. the more over-confident you are, (ie. proud) the less likely you are to do well. the harder you try to get people to like you, the less you will be liked.. all the little ironies of life.

but i guess sometimes that's what makes life interesting, isn't it (:

off to be prettified!

2007-07-21T00:17:00.001+08:00

friday, i can finally breathe again (:

Lord you continue to amaze me every single day.

2007-07-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

i realise i blog quite often but hardly ever update on what's going on in my life. haha well, so here's one!

prelim oral's over, Olevel chinese listening's over, 37 days to prelims. (heh typical ah, start with school.) oral was ok (: as usual, once i got started, i just rambled on and on. hahaha especially for the picture, for once i had so much to say! and as usual, i spoke too fast so mr ang hardly caught what i was saying. haha ohwell, leave that in God's hands la huh (: listening was suprisingly easy! quite glad, that secures me like an extra 18% or so. heh, yay! and really, all glory goes to God because normally, i don't understand chinese so well. that day it was really like God gave me supernatural chinese understanding, because i could actually decipher what the passages were supposed to be about. no easy feat, considering the state of my chinese. heh, for someone who fails listening consistently, (yes, i fail listening very often, ok.) to be able to understand and answer questions is something only God can do. well, yup (: really grateful that God came through for me so many times this week, especially academically.

and oh yes, IR is a killer. leaving school at 4plus 5 everyday is really draining me of energy, so much so that by the time i reach home i can only study for a maximum of only 5 hours. and i think IR is supposed to help us, but honestly i'd much rather they give us time to study on our own instead of keeping us back. really can't wait for this IR thing to end.

that aside, life hasn't been dealing me anything that's really very interesting. i mean other than the rising stress level, i don't think i have anything remotely interesting to blog about which people would wna read. haha, what a life i lead.

but seriously, life's getting so much busier nowadays, so much to do, so little time! it really reaches a point where all i want is for time to stop, so that i can have a little extra hour or two, a little extra time. but what to do, that's the way things work. 24 hours, and it's just not enough. and man, i can't imagine what working life would be like if being 16 is such a busy age to be. haha well, really need to learn how to maximise my time.

i guess what i need most right now, is to learn how to keep my two feet on the ground, through it all not forgetting what i have stood, and still stand for. busy times get busier and tensions continuously rise, but i need to not forget my priorities. and i really, really thank God for always being here to keep me grounded (:

and oh yes, if you've read all the way till here, then watch this:

it's the small things in life that matter more than the big ones, isn't it.

left my fear by the side of the road
hear you speak, won't let go
fall to my knees, as i lift my hands to pray
got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
and all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of you

all i need is you
all i need is you, Lord, is you, Lord
all i need is you
all i need is you, Lord, is you, Lord

one more day, and it's not the same
your Spirit calls my heart to sing
drawn to the voice of my Savior once again
where would my soul be without your Son
gave His life to save the earth
rest in the thought that you're watching over me

you hold the universe
you hold everyone on earth
you hold the universe
you hold, you hold

2007-07-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

the thing is, when God speaks, hope comes.
when hope comes, faith arises.
when faith arises, mighty things happen.

God has spoken, hope has come, our faith has arisen.
it's all a matter of time now.

don't know what i'm talking about? ask me (:

2007-07-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

i hate emaths.

i've spent a total of 5 hours on vectors and coordinate geom, and i hardly got anywhere. that's considering the fact that i spent one whole hour on one question which i never got an answer for. (even though some very, very kind soul wasted his precious study time to spend one whole hour patiently helping me with that one question (: thank you, mr you-know-who-you are.) now if i spent 5 hours on any chapter of amaths, i would have mastered it halfway by now. or make that any other subject, 5 hours is enough to master half a chapter. but because we're talking about emaths, i spend 5 hours and i go hardly anywhere. because of emaths, i didn't realise how late it was and i forgot to eat dinner. because of emaths, i'm not asleep yet even though it's 2 hours past my bedtime. 5 whole hours, and i haven't really gotten anywhere.

i hate emaths.

oh, and happy 100th post, themightycross.blogspot (:

2007-07-16T19:17:00.000+08:00

i realise i haven't been online for a week or so. hmm.

anyway you know jordan's camera is the coolest, you see!

it captures only pink! (and whatever other colour you choose la, but pink is my favourite, after purple.) so yes i was trying to be retarded so that can capture my pink tongue, but apparently my tongue isn't that pink. and apparently my eyes are too small so crossing them is as good as closing them. haha, i'm really amused by his camera! i think these cameras have been ard since forever, but what to do, i'm at IT idiot what.

life's really starting to be such a routine now, what with the fact that there's only 39 days to prelims. things are getting so predictable; be home by 530pm everyday, study from 6pm till 11pm, go to sleep. repeat the next day. and then there's saturday and sunday, 6 hours on saturday and 1 hour on sunday. i'm getting to be so predictable. friday's my favourite, because that's my break day and i only study for 2 hours! and well, fatigue's definitely starting to set in, considering i'm the kind of person who needs 8 hours of sleep everyday. but 5 weeks 4 days isn't a very long time, so much catching up to do!

anyway just a random thought, wouldn't it be nice if we knew our future? i mean if i knew for sure i'd make it to sa/mj if i studied hard enough, i would definitely be putting in more effort than i am now. because then i'd know that my future is set. but then again, the future changes all the time doesn't it? the future is what i make of it, isn't it? i mean, yes God does control my future, but at the same time so do i. if i study hard, i can make it to sa/mj. it's as simple as that, yet knowing that my future is in my hands doesn't make things any easier. sometimes, knowing that you make your own future seems a little.. scary. what if i mess up? now if let's say, i could foresee the mistakes i would make which would mess up my future, then i wouldn't make them now. because the future is ever-changing anyway, right? but then again, if the future weren't unknown maybe it wouldn't be so enticing. it's only because the future is unknown that hope exists.. isn't it? and i guess it's also because the future is unknown that we really learn to give it to God. if we knew our future, what would God be for then, right? but still, it'd be really cool if i could have glimpses here and there.

on a separate note, i've been having terrible weeks recently, especially at school. i suppose most of you don't know what i'm talking about la, but you know.. Olevel stress is starting to kick in. add to that the mounting stress of some other stuff, and things are really getting quite difficult. but there are the mountains, and then there are the valleys. and i really feel that during this low period God's really come through for me in so many ways. i admit, it's not easy, but God's daily portion of strength really keeps me going. and of course, the occasional encouragement from the people ard me. and i really thank God for all these people, it's like i never realised they were there and now God's showing me who i can count on, one by one. i must say, i'm really blessed (: and although the valleys can be dark and really scary sometimes, having someone to walk through it with you makes it so much better, so much easier. and like david said in psalms, "i will not be afraid for your rod and your staff they protect me". and i guess on the outside it seems like a really hard period, it's also a period of time when i grow, and when i learn to grab hold of God tight. i really don't know what i'll do without all this support from God la. and the harder it is to live in the world, the more i learn to treasure all the intimate moments i have with Him. because when the world strikes hard, when i'm tired, when it seems like i'm fighting this alone, that's when God's presence is the most comforting. and that's when i learn to treasure all the little moments i have with him. and that's when i realise over and over again, that there's no other place i'd rather be than in His presence (:

man, God is so good.

and ok great, i just wasted an hour.

so on to my new best friend, heymath.net! (:
(which is the only reason i came online anyway.)

in His time
in His time
He makes all things beautiful
in His time

2007-07-10T21:02:00.002+08:00

i went jogging to lose weight yesterday,
then in the next two days,
i indulged in a whole tub of haagen daaz ice cream,
i ate 3 super delicious donuts,
i craved for sushi so i had some,
i ate 2 boxes of pocky, my favourite,
i had another half tub of ice cream,
and i ate lunch 5 times in 2 days.
as i blog, i am eating my dinner, for the second time.

my weight loss program is never going to work.

2007-07-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

i just realised that life's really simple:
we serve a big God, and we're fighting against a small devil.

the only reason why we still struggle, why we still fail, why life can be so complicated sometimes is only because we make it this way. seriously, if we put God first, and i mean like, first and second and third place goes to God, life's gna be really easy.

i make it sound so easy, don't i?

needless to say, it's not easy. if it really were, many of us christians would be living carefree lives now wouldn't we. but none of us are.

what i'm trying to say is, compared to God, the devil is definitely much smaller, but he's capable of so much. we all want to put God first, i believe most christians desire to have God as number one in their life. but all of us, from the pastors down to the new believers fall ever so often, we make mistakes which can only be forgiven by the cross. and why do we fall? because we underestimate the devil. yes, God is first in our lives, but we underestimate the devil.

we're at war, spiritual war. and many times we forget that, many times we let our guards down. and the devil, the smart guy he is, always attacks us at the moments when we're not aware.

so, i should always be on my guard, always always put God first (this can be quite hard sometimes eh), and life will be much simpler, yes it will! (:

anywayyy, victory's alr mine :D

i serve a God who is faithful
he will never fail

2007-07-07T12:59:00.000+08:00

thank you all, for your msgs, tags, calls, emails, online msgs, cards, letters, lollipops, dinner treats, everything (: i love you 5/6! and the half of 3/4 i know! and the few school people! yes, i really do feel loved.

one blog post about being really stressed (eh i have white hair ok), one post about having two bad weeks, and i'm suddenly aware of how loved i am (: *giggles. and also suddenly aware of how read this blog is. i might need to password this! (kidding, kidding!)

k obviously, i'm in a rather good mood today. and i think that's because, i haven't touched any books in 24 hours! (: haven't studied at all today. goes to show how stressed i get just by studying.

and anyway ah, i've woken up. it still remains a fact that Olevels play a part in my future, but hey, God's in charge of my future isn't it? i know sometimes it's so easy to say, "God's in control, so i leave it all up to him", but seriously, it's so hard to leave everything to God. by human nature, i try and keep a small part of everything to myself, a small part that i can control. it's a learning process i guess, and i'm still in the midst of it. i'm still in the midst of learning how to give every single thing to God, and most importantly, trusting that He'd take care of everything. Olevels in something so small, if i can't even give something like that to Him, how is He going to work in the bigger things in the future? yep, i really have to learn the meaning of total surrender, and i know that when i do, God's going to bless me with the results i desire.

i know how cliche this is, but it's true; i put in my best, God will do the rest! (:

2007-07-05T19:27:00.000+08:00

i'm stressed out. seven weeks to prelims, and i really want to be more than prepared for it. i really want my 2 loyalty points. at the rate i'm going, i should be ready for prelims when they come. but at the rate i'm going, i could burn myself out. one, two, three more weeks and i could be completely burnt out. exhausted.

i'm pushing myself, harder than my body can handle. much harder than my mind can handle. i breathe school, i eat school, i dream school. what happened to the lynette i used to know? who took things one step at a time, who never thought long term, always thought short term? i don't know where she is. but i do know that i've fallen victim to the education system. sucked in, like every one of them, into the mindset that grades mean everything.

i can't handle the stress already, yet i know i have to keep going if i want my Olevels to count for something. i'm not good at this balancing-work-and-play thing, and i am so, so afraid i'm going to tire myself out mentally, physically, emotionally, even spiritually. and i might. in the end, i might have to surrender to myself, and realise that it doesn't work by pushing myself so hard.

they told me that my Olevel year was going to be crazy..
i had no idea.

Lord it's in these moments,
that i need you to remind me of your sovereignty.

2007-07-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

Who Am I
Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

it seems the more i know, the less i understand.
and i think i never will.

2007-07-04T19:26:00.000+08:00

did you ever realise the amazing potential of every single day?

i mean you know God builds us all up for the things we're going to do, but he usually never tells us when these amazing things happen. he could choose any day! i could be having the worst day of my life, and God can go, "ok lynette, today's the day i've been preparing you for". and then like i wake up every day all, "oh gosh why am i up so early?" and drag myself around the house grumpily (i am very not a morning person), without realising that it could be a day which amazing things happen on and if i could look into the future, i would leap out of bed. if any of you can understand what i'm trying to say, good for you (:

and then i was also thinking, what's really the reason i live everyday? the way s'pore education works, is esp at secondary and tertiary level they love to force into us the importance of a good education. and after awhile, unknowingly, our lives start to revolve around school. i admit, sometimes that happens to me as well. and then there are things like friends. i guess i'm the kind that likes to pour everything i have into friendships, and sometimes, just sometimes, it reaches the point where it becomes a priority.

actually.. i'm not sure. honestly, i can't really tell what i'm truly living for. i'm living for God definitely, but could it be God and something else? (if you understand what that meant.) i try to put God first in everything, i ask God before i make any decision, but is there anything else i'm putting first? to be honest, i can't tell. i think i am putting God first, i say i am, it feels like i am, but what if i'm putting something else first but i just can't tell? i still want to be accountable to God, you know.

what is the point of this post anyway?

sorry ah, just typing without thinking.

2007-07-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

pasir ris zone and pretty sky (:
(i was trying to be retarded but my crossed eyes are too small for anyone to see)

2007-07-02T17:49:00.000+08:00

I NEED TO SCREAMMMMMMMMMMM.

i've had two terrible weeks in a row. sigh, it's like everything just keeps snowballing.

and oh, on a random note, i've got a really bad craving for sushi.

k off to study.

"And my God shall supply all your needs, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19

2007-06-28T19:09:00.000+08:00

random ramblings

first things first, sorry for being so grouchy the whole of this week. yes, i know i haven't particularly been a very nice person to be around because i've been grouching the whole week.

you know those moments when you don't feel like talking to anyone, when you don't feel like doing anything, when you don't feel like saying anything, when you don't even feel like thinking anything? when all you want to do is just lie down and do.. nothing. i've been stuck in that moment for a total of 5 days, since sunday. i guess do have my reasons, but that's not an excuse. i don't think i like these moments very much!

that aside, i realised i'm quite a boring person. i hardly have anything interesting to say!

i mean i'm not that bad when it comes to one-on-one situations, but throw me in a situation where there's more than two people and i keep quiet immediately. (unless i'm close to all of them.) i don't think it's because i'm shy or anything, but i just don't seem to have anything interesting to say.

anyway i had chinese oral for Os today! i knew exactly what i wanted to say, but when i tried to say what i wanted to say, i sounded like a primary school kid cos my chinese sucks and it all came out in bits and pieces. and my reading was lousy, i read everything wrong. but anyhow, it's not as bad as i make it seem. for lynette standard, i think i did quite okay! all glory goes to God.

oh and, something's wrong with my ankle bone, the tiny little bone at the back. it hurts alot. i think i broke it or something. either that, or i'm growing. i hope it's the latter (: speaking of growing, i am officially 159cm! that means two things: one, i might be able to reach my 1.6m target, and two, i haven't stopped growing. i seriously thought i stopped alr, since i've been the same height for like what, two years?

i've got so much sleeping to do (a sleepy girl is a grouchy girl), what am i even doing here.

Lord you reign,
over every situation,
you reign,
over every power,
you reign,
over every thought,
you reign,
over every sickness,
you reign,
over my life,
you reign,
over my everyday,
you reign.

i'm making this my prayer; more of you, less of me.

2007-06-21T21:34:00.000+08:00

(i don't know why i'm the only one being retarded.)

i many love jasmine, evelyn, shermaine and janice

2007-06-21T19:12:00.000+08:00

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

how many times have i said things like, "i don't wna take Olevels in 4 months", "i can't wait for next week", or even "i can't wait for tmr", without realising that i'm not promised another day? in fact, every breath i have is given to me by grace. every extra heartbeat is carefully planned, and allowed by God.

i keep putting off life decisions, saying things like "i'd tell my friend about Christ tmr", and i don't realise there may be no tmr. i know how cliche this sounds but the thing is, i really need to learn to treasure each day, each minute, each second, for it could be my last.. and i don't want to let it go to waste.

so enough about how life is treating me unfairly, it's stupid to waste my time on such complaints. i wouldn't like spending my last day on earth complaining about what's wrong in my life because there are alot of other things right!

it's the little things that count in life, and i've got so many things to count that i've got not enough fingers to count them on. i'm blessed, i really am. my life may be far from perfect; there are so many setbacks, but the little satisfactions far outweigh them all. and even when i look at the big picture, i've got so many reasons to be glad because my God up there is watching over me.

life is short, i'd rather spend it counting my blessings than counting other's blessings. and i've got so many blessings to count! because when God is put first, everything naturally falls into place.

i must say, i'm a very happy little girl (:

2007-06-18T14:21:00.000+08:00

[edit]
i chose what's right (:
[/edit]

"... Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

things are moving so fast it's crazy.

he's such a temptation, i'm worried i'd give in. and the more i try not to give in, the more i want to.

yet i know it's not time. firstly, i'm too young, and secondly and most importantly, God says it's just not time yet. i'm not mature enough, i'm not experienced enough, i'm not grounded in the Lord enough. then again, i'm not sure if he's the right one either. the right one which will build me up in the Lord instead of draw me away from Him. the right one which i can depend my life on. i want to tell him to wait, but i might be asking him to wait in vain.

it's like there's a battle going on deep within me, the battle of what i want and what is right. i want to do what is right, i want to do what God wants me to do, but yet he seems so hard to come by.. someone probably only once in a lifetime.

sigh, it's so hard being a teenager sometimes.

2007-06-15T20:59:00.000+08:00

hello singapore, i'm back! (:

camp was everything i wanted it to be. studied alot, slept alot, played a little. i am such a sleepyhead, and now the whole world knows! i'm a zombie in the morning and that was supposed to be my little secret! hahaha but i guess it's no secret anymore. (by zombie i mean i don't talk to anyone, i don't eat much, and i fall asleep at the breakfast table.)

k, on a more serious note, there's been a question on my mind since the sermon on living a legacy; if i were to die today, what would i be able to tell God? would i have left a legacy? would i be accountable for this life? because even though i don't like to think about it, we all have to face judgement one day. one day, i'd stand in front of the throne of God, and He'd ask me what i've done for Him in this life. one day, and that day could very well be tomorrow, i'd have to answer to God. i'm not ready. i'm not ready to face judgement yet, because there's still so much i haven't done for Christ. there're so many things left unfinished, so many things not even started on, all because i'm afraid of failure. i can do so much, yet i don't dare to.

but it's my time now. it's time for me to do what God wants me to do. and He's gna call me to do crraaazzzyyy things, i just know it. but i don't care. because anything God puts me to, He'll bring me through.

in the Spirit, out of your mind, strapped in, can!

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

and another thing, i've begun to realise the huge part thoughts play in one's life. you know they always say thoughts lead to words, which lead to actions, which lead to habits, which lead to character, which lead to destiny. my entire destiny, resting in the hands of my thoughts.. the thing is, thoughts are one of the most dangerous things, because they're something nobody other than yourself knows. they're something you can keep to yourself, and there's no way anyone could ever know what you're thinking. yet, thoughts are what makes a person. what can i say man, unclean thoughts are something i don't want to play with. but like it says in corinthians, i won't be tempted beyond more than i can bear and this applies to my thoughts too.

so Lord, purify my thoughts, purify my heart, purify my life.

Jesus everytime i enter your presence,
i just can't leave it.
it's like an addiction, i just keep going for more.
and i can't stop
because i need and i want so much more of you,
more and more and more.
i love being in your presence.
if i could only stay there forever..

2007-06-08T23:34:00.000+08:00

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it shall be yours." Mark 11:24

i'm so tired that my eyes are forcing themselves open but i couldn't resist adding another post.

this crazy week's finally over (thank God), and JUNE HOLIDAYS are finally here! :D can't complain much, two weeks is better than nothing. they say june holidays are very crucial for Olevelers, so this holiday's probably just gna be spent mugging all day. but i don't think i mind very much! four more months to go and it'll be all over. yeahhhhh :D

then there's church camp next week! i was talking to joan about church camp yesterday, and i was telling her how i really felt that there was going to be some form of breakthrough during camp. this whole week God's been preparing my heart for church camp, daily he's just been speaking to me about my future in him, about his promises to me, even about the hardships i'd have to go through. and he spoke to me in so many ways. this week in itself has really been a breakthrough week spiritually, and i believe God is trying to say that there is so much more to come at camp. God's gna do something so great at camp, i can't even begin to fathom what he's gna do. my God is faithful, yes he is.

but that's not the reason i wanted to blog, i really wanted to blog because i've got so many thoughts which i need to release somewhere, if not i'll just explode or something. haha. the thing is..

everyone changes. every single one, is learning, changing, maturing. i was just thinking about how much i've changed in just a year.. my priorities, thinking, even down to the things i say and do, have changed so, so much. i mean, even the way i blog is so much different. then there are the deeper changes, i see God in a totally different way now too. it used to be about how much he loves me, how much he accepts me the way i am, how much he forgives me no matter what i've done. not that he doesn't, but i guess even in my christian walk i'm moving on to a new stage. where it's not just about receiving anymore, but it's about giving. it's about going. it's about doing. it's about all the "harder" aspects of christianity, but this is where the serving part comes in. it's not just about loving God, it's also about serving him. but serving definitely has it's rewards and that's what makes it so satisfying, knowing that God sees your heart (:

but as i thought more deeply into this, i realised i wasn't the only one changing. all i have to do is look around me, and there i have it, living proof that every single person is growing up. the thing is, we never stop growing up. growing up is a process that lasts your whole life. i was just talking to daddy about growing up, and he said that he himself is not halfway through learning, there's so much more to go. and that was when i realised.. i'm only at the beginning. be it my thinking, my habits, or my christian walk, i still have such a long way to go. and so does everyone else! it's quite comforting knowing that everyone else is changing, everyone else is going through the same growing up process just like i am.

i've got such a long way to go, i'm only 16! there's so much to learn from life, there's so much to do with God, there's so much to do for God.

it's quite exciting actually :D

2007-06-06T20:08:00.000+08:00

over all the earth
you reign on high
every mountain stream
every sunset sky
but my one request
Lord my only aim
is that you reign in me again

Lord reign in me
reign in your power
over all my dreams
in my darkest hour
you are the Lord of all i am
so won't you reign in me again

over every thought
over every word
may my life reflect
the beauty of my Lord
you mean more to me
than any earthly thing
so won't you reign in me again

2007-06-03T23:32:00.001+08:00

church camp's first week starts tmr!

time really, really flies. and my whole family is gna be off for the first camp in a couple of hours and leaving me here alone in s'pore. i think i kinda embrace the freedom though :D haha. it's gna be a busy, busy week! so many dinner dates/evening meetings this week.

and then the next week's gna be church camp's second week. which, guess who is going! :D (by the way, that means yours truly.) kinda really really excited. heh heh. c'mon get me out of s'pore alr!

so i guess that means i won't be blogging until after church camp second week, cos i'm gna be busy from now! (and i'm hardly gna get much access to the computer/internet anyway.)

k well, yeah.

on a more serious note, today i really felt in my spirit that it was time for a breakthrough. as in, time for a serious breakthrough, a 180degree turn. no wait, make that 540degrees! and it's time for a breakthrough not only in my personal life, but in the tknet as well. and i don't mean "breakthrough" as in, breakthrough, but i mean "breakthrough" as in BREAKTHROUGH. (i hope you got that, i did (:)

it's time this net entered a different level, it's about time we moved on to something better, it's time we move one step closer to what we set out to do. girls, WE CAN DO IT. (: not by our might because that's impossible, but with the help of God.

k that's all, i need to go talk to God now :D

2007-05-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

previous post has been edited.
(:

when i think about the heavens
the moon and all the stars
i wonder what you ever saw in me
but You took me and you loved me
and you've given me a crown
and now i'll praise your name eternally

oh Lord our God
how excellent your name is
how excellent your name in all the earth
your glory fills the heavens
beyond the farthest star
how excellent your name in all the earth

i really wonder why the God who created the heavens, the same God who created the earth and all it's wonders, is the God who loves me more than anyone else does. i really wonder why he has my name written on the back of his hand. i really wonder why he reserves a special place for me in heaven, a special crown which i can call mine. i really wonder why God spends time thinking of me, and planning the best for me. i really wonder why God spends time holding me in his arms daily, making me whole once again. i really wonder why God reaches out to me, why he longs for me to talk to him. i really wonder why God's hand of protection is always on me, why he always protects me physically, emotionally and even spiritually. i really wonder why God treats me like his own child, loving me so much that he let's me go through times of trouble so i can grow. that he let's me fail so i can learn.

i really wonder why God loves me the way he does. he doesn't have to.. but he does.

God is like, God. yet he's my friend. my best friend.

2007-05-31T20:07:00.000+08:00

ARE YOU READY, ARE YOU READY?

HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE *drools

[edit]
k i've gone to see the doctor, and after poking (i hate needles), they decided i was okay. in fact, my sugar count is lower than it should be! heh heh, gives me excuse to stuff myself with more sweets then :D

conjunctivitis (i just love using that word!) is getting better, although im still highly contagious so i've been cooped up at home the whole day.

if you don't know what i'm talking about, hahaha too bad. who ask you don't come to my blog earlier (:
[/edit]

2007-05-31T03:10:00.000+08:00

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

2007-05-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

because love is not just a word, it's a solution to everything.

ohman, i seriously need to start blogging happierily (i know, no such word) like i used to.

shrek 3's coming out tmr and im gna watch with my superhero! (: yes finally, that much needed break from all that studying. and yes, i've gone into hardcore mugging mode again, for the past two days after chinese Os. basically been burying my head in books. hahaha say hello, to miss nerd :D

quite proud of myself actually (: i seem to be getting so productive nowadays! and i've finally mastered calculus. i've mastered mole concept, i've mastered human geog. so proud of myself!

but still so much to do. i think dropping to combined science is one of the smartest things i've done in a very long time (: i mean, that at least secures an A1 or A2 if when i study hard enough. chinese was okay, i don't think i'd have to retake it. i wasn't planning to use it as my L1R5, but hey.. i think i might get a B3 for chinese! hopefully. then who knows, maybe i'd use it after all.

i feel quite guilty for spending one whole hour in front of the computer. one hour means i could have completed half a chapter of bio. gahh what am i doing. off to study!

i'm blogging like a true nerd, aren't i. hooray! :D

ohgosh i tend to ramble alot.

2007-05-30T14:22:00.000+08:00

click

so many times i take my eyes off the goal, too focused on the present. i forget the future i have ahead of me and the promises already given to me.

because what i go through now is nothing compared to what is going to come. the last days are going to be torture, i know it. this is nothing. this is only preparation. this is what makes me stronger, what makes me wiser, so that i can handle what will come. and if through it all i keep my eye on the goal, if i keep my eye on the prize, the end, the finishing line, then i'll certainly get my reward.

someone once told me that God's love overcomes all. i never understood what that meant. well, now i do. it means that despite my failures, despite all my iniquities, despite my past, God loves me. and many times, God's love is all i need. friends don't last, family will fail. God is everlasting. God's love is what sees me through the day. it sees me through the week, the month, the year. God's love sees me through my life.

it overcomes all.

jasminelaw;
thank you. for all the heart-to-heart talks and for being the friend i can just ramble on and on to when i need someone to talk to. thank you for listening, even if you don't always understand what i'm saying. thank you for being patient with me. thank you for being selfless and complying, and always putting me before you. for always making me laugh. for following me all the way to punggol. thank you for being my superhero rich kid and letting me be your sidekick, hdb girl. thank you, for being you (:

i youuu (:

a thousand times i've failed
still your mercy remains
and should i stumble again
i'm caught in your grace

2007-05-29T14:30:00.000+08:00

like a sentence passed over me, it will never go away. even after im done serving this sentence, the mark stays. people remember what i've done. this sentence will hold me back. like a bondage, it will hold me back. trust becomes an issue, and everything i say and do will be judged. i would have to work twice as hard to get to where everyone else is. one mistake, one moment of folly, and my whole life is changed.

its a sentence i have to serve, a price i have to pay.

emotions are probably the greatest battle i have ever fought, and will ever fight. yet when this battle is conquered, the only person im really conquering is myself.

it's been one long, crazy year, and i still can't face up to reality. i can't face up to the fact that things aren't the same between us anymore. i moved on from everyone else, but i just can't move on from *. maybe that's because *'s the only person i see on a regular basis, or maybe because * was the closest friend i ever had, i dont know.

because what seemed to me like a perfect friendship was only perfect on the surface. like an iceberg, we were strong on the outside. i loved spending time with you, i trusted you, i could tell you almost everything. but under the surface, we hardly knew each other. and the worst part is we realised it too late. our friendship couldn't take testing, it wasn't ready. all it took was one blow, and everything came crumbling down. i thought we were strong enough, i learnt i was wrong the hard way.

there are 4 million people in singapore, not to mention the world. what were the chances that we would meet, what were the chances we would be friends, what were the chances that you would become the closest friend i ever had? yet it happened. and i blew it.

its been a year, yet im not even near getting over the whole incident. i hope these emotions go away soon, i can't be affected every single time i go to church, can i.

i don't know what to do anymore.

"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26

2007-05-24T21:01:00.000+08:00

okay, so everyone seems to be commenting that my posts are kinda sad.

for the record, im not (:

im just going through a growing up phase, and im starting to take many things seriously now, and maybe that includes blogging or something. heh heh.

so yes anyway, HAPPY POST HAPPY POST!

im not sure what i should blog about, but i haven't updated much on my life itself, so here goes:

- we're going to the hospital to organise a party soon! by "we", i mean atiqah, zan, von, me and i don't know who else.
- i've been sleeping for 4 hours a day for a week so my mind is quite messed up now.
- i think i like amaths.
- i just realised this post is going nowhere.
- i've been playing too much bridge the past week.
- Olevel chinese is in 4 days!
- i love going home with jasminelaw, and i love our heart-to-heart talks.
- i don't like chinese intensive.
- it's pirate day on saturday!
- i really can't think of anything right now.
- oh, i tried the anything drink today (:

haha, what else man.

okay done. there you go, a happy post :D

2007-05-22T20:27:00.000+08:00

ohk im just going to be doing alot of rambling.

i spent the whole of today thinking about my future.

things like dropping from pure bio/chem to combined science and how that will affect me, and yes, the fact that i have no cca which is going to not help me at all should i get a partial pass to the jc i want to go to. but then again, im not even sure which jc i want to go to. should i aim high, or be realistic? it seems so impossible to halve by L1R5, but yet there are people around me doing it which makes it possible. and then, how about university? what would i wna do? the thing is, ive always wanted to study psychology. (i bet some of you never knew that and are like, "reallyyy!" now huh :D) and then today i realised to get into psychology in NUS, all i need is a distinction in H1 maths/Olevel amaths. thats easy enough (: so that dream is pursue-able. but then, what would i do with a degree in psychology anyway? the options seem so.. limited here in singapore.

but then there's the big question, is this really what God wants for me? i really don't know. i really, dont know. ive spent so much time praying and asking God for answers on what i should do academically, and still, i really dont know.

and then there's moving over to 3/4. i never, ever thought it was going to be so hard. dont get me wrong, the people in 3/4 are GREAAATTT with a capital G :D but i never realised i was going to be so attached to the people in 5/6. its no secret that i dont have many close friends in this region, i only had one. but we had issues and now i have none. im basically just one of those people belonging to no particular clique, just flitting around from group to group and mixing around with well, everyone. i thought it was going to be reasonably easy to move to 3/4, since im not that attached to that many of the people here anyway. but i never knew it was going to be so hard to pull myself away from this region, as a whole. and the more i try and pull myself away, the more i try and spend time with 3/4, the more attached i get to 5/6 and the people here. really, how am i supposed to move over at the rate im going la. and when i do move over, how am i going to adjust?

what is my future going to be like? what're things going to be like one year from now? i suppose i will never know.

only time will tell.

but one thing's for sure, my future promises to be great. whether or not i think so, it'd be great. because God says so. and God is always right.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

2007-05-17T18:52:00.000+08:00

"And i am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

what i love about coming into God's presence is that i can come just as i am. that i can come broken and tired, or full of praise, and he'll still accept my worship anyway. that i don't have to put on a front because he already knows the deepest thoughts of my heart. the best thing about him is that he doesn't hold back. as i draw near to him, he draws near to me as well.

what i love about coming into God's presence is that there are no inhibitions. no matter how much i've accomplished, no matter how much i've failed to accomplish, when i enter God's presence it doesn't matter. he loves me anyway.

what i love about my Lord is that all he wants is the best for me. that he already has a plan for my life and that plan promises to be amazing. that he walks through life with me, day by day. through good times and bad, achievements and failures, joy and pain, he never lets go of my hand. and he promises never to.

God didn't give up his only son to die on the cross for no reason. likewise, Jesus didn't come to die on the cross for no reason. God gave up his one and only son to die for me so that i could have a relationship with him. Jesus died on the cross and rose three days later so that i could be set free from my sin. he didn't have to do that, he was perfect. he chose to. and that's how much he loves me.

and at the end of it all, my Lord remains victorious. he rose from the dead and he defeated the devil. Jesus died on the cross 2000 years ago to save us from our sins, and to this day, he continues to save. that's just one example, my everyday life is another. countless times my Lord has come through for me. from restoring broken relationships, to providing me with everything i need, financially, physically, emotionally.

what i love about life is that i know i have a best friend who is walking all the way with me. and after i've done what God has called me to do on earth, i get to spend eternity with him in a beautiful place called heaven. now is that wonderful, or what (:

my God never fails.
never, ever fails.

2007-05-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?" Romans 12:1

ive always known that God called me into the worship ministry, but it never occured to me what worship truly meant.

worship is not just what you do during service, or in your quiet time.

worship is a lifestyle.

as christians, God has called us to be worshipers. but worship should not be limited to church, or quiet time, worship should be our entire being. everything we think, say and do should lift up the name of the Lord. our whole body, as Romans says, should be consumed with desire to lift up God's name, and this desire should be expressed in our everyday lives.

and that is the meaning of true worship.

i guess it really hit me hard, that being called to worship not only meant serving in the worship ministry, it also meant that my life had to be a testimony. as levites, we are the front runners. we are the ones leading the spiritual battle. our whole life should be geared towards edifying the name of the Lord, it should be in every single thing we do. its not easy to lead a life that is set apart for Christ. its so easy to say that we will, to sing that we will, to pray that we will. but in actual fact, its hard.

but thats what God called me to do, and thats what im going to do no matter what.

im coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about you
its all about you, Jesus
im sorry Lord for the things ive made it
when its all about you
its all about you, Jesus

2007-05-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

we all say, "cheeeeep!" :D
(and no i was not eating my fingers, we just had kfc! :D)

wong:
babe, im sorry if it seems like im avoiding you. i guess in a way, i am. its just that in my whole life, ive trusted five people. the first one ended with betrayal, and that got me hurt. the second, third and fourth, i ended up being possessive and hurting not only them, but myself. and all four left me with a scar, something i will never forget. you're number five. and i really dont want to hurt you like i hurt the people i loved. and i dont want to get hurt either. on saturday when you started sticking to _____, i realised i was starting to get possessive again. and i dont want to be. i really, really dont want to spoil this friendship. so im sorry, if it seems like im avoiding you. i dont want to hurt anyone else anymore, and i dont want to leave myself vulnerable to get hurt again either.

life is all about decisions.

our whole life is revolved around making decisions. every single day we make them, every minute, every second. there are the big decisions, and there are the small ones. yet every decision makes a difference. you may not think much into it, but small decisions like deciding to cross the road when the car is "still far away" can make a difference in your life. then there are the major decisions. decisions to be made about relationships, about your future.

ive made so many decisions in this life which i never even thought twice about, without realising those decisions make the way my life is right now. choosing to give my life to God, choosing to come to tk, choosing how i treat my friends, even things like choosing what i say and do every single day. these are the decisions that make me, down to my smallest decisions. and these are the decisions i cant go back on.

life is like a road, sometimes its rough, sometimes we breeze through it. and every decision we make is like making a turn in the road. we never know what to expect, thats what we think is the best way to go. we may be wrong, we may be right. we never know, until we are at the crossroads, and choose a new direction. and sometimes, when we make a wrong decision, we are allowed to u-turn. other times, we're not allowed to, and we just have to keep going. and thats the way life is.

sometimes i make wrong choices. and then i find myself at a dead end, not knowing what to do. im not allowed to u-turn, for the decisions are final. during these times, all i can do is wait, wait for God to open up new roads. and He wont open up just one road, He'll open up a few. then i'll have to make a decision, and then i'll start again on the road of life.

just wait.

2007-05-05T16:17:00.000+08:00

yesterday i realised the lynette i used to know three months ago doesnt exist anymore.

its kinda crazy actually, how i seem to be growing up/maturing so much in a matter of months. gone are the days when i would go high all the time and spout rubbish. gone are the days when i cant be serious and cant have a proper conversation with almost everyone. gone are the days when people label me as hyper, im toning down so much now its quite scary.

i guess situations change you, they really do. and this one is forcing me to grow up, like ex best friend used to tell me to. abit too late to take his advice, but at least its happening.

this is gna be the new lynette for the next year or two, until i mature again (:

2007-05-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

"trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

its labour day and supposedly a whole 24hour day to study, but im so demoralised by chem that i dont feel like doing anything. i studied so hard for chem, but i studied all the wrong things. i was really confident about acids, bases and salts and none of them came out. i dont understand energy changes, and that took up half the paper. there goes my pass in chem, hooray me.

i really need to be studying, but sigh. i feel so, so demoralised by chem.

yesterday i lost my notebook. my notebook is my most prized possession, it contains all my school notes. i cant study without it. and more importantly, it contains all the songs ive composed. there is only one copy of every song ive written, and they are all in my precious notebook. losing it, means losing everything. honestly, i'd rather lose my mp3 or my phone or something than lose my notebook.

i dont know what happened yesterday night, i suppose it was the build up of everything, havent exactly gotten over the whole thing with an ex best friend, and then there was chem that day, there was the stress level of needing to bring my L1R5 down by 10 points for mid years (forget that), and then losing my notebook. and if you know me by now, i tend to keep things to myself until things really go out of hand. so everything was really building up. then yesterday night i saw a rat as huge as a cat at my void deck, (no im not exaggerating, really.) and i got so freaked out i started crying. i guess i had reached my limit, i dont know.

stress is a crazy thing, it builds up without you realising, and it chooses to let itself out in the weirdest ways and the craziest moments. at that point i didnt know who to call, what to do.. so i went to God. He gave me this verse, proverbs 3:5-6, which ive known for years, but never really thought that much into it until now. coincidentally, its the same verse joan msgd me later on. God was trying to say something.

and then i thought about something which pastor jeremy seaward told me on sunday. he said, he felt that i was trying too hard to live up to expectations. and that God made me just the way He wanted me to be, not what people expect me to be. you know what, to be honest, i dont really care what i get for Os. i mean i do care, but i'd be satisfied with anything below 20. honestly, i just want to go to poly and get myself a diploma. but what everyone around me says is i have to aim for a jc. get below 15 points, get into a good jc.. its the least they expect. their expectations. and i struggle so hard, day after day, hour after hour, studying nonstop just trying to meet their expectations. not mine.

im putting in more than my best already. all this just for the major exam called Olevels at the end of the year, which people expect me to do well for.

but really, i shouldnt be putting in so much into studying. not that its not good to study, but i find my priorities reshifting. countless times, ive been so tempted to skip a service on sunday just to go home and study. two hours of service, can cover one whole chapter of bio. once a certain friend really needed me to be there for her, but yet i wasnt, instead i was studying. my priorities are changing without me realising, and its not good. i dont have to live up to other peoples expectations.. thats what you want for me, not what i want for myself! i just have to be myself, do my best, yet keep God in first place, and He'll do the rest (:

and even if i dont do well for my studies.. whatever (: His promises are all i need to hold on to, He already has a plan for this life.

He'll make my path straight (:

and ohyes, with the help of jasminelaw, i found my beloved notebook! gna collect it tmr. yay.

spent so much time blogging, need to get back to studying now. two more days and it'd be over! (:

blogging has lost its thrill, wont be blogging much anymore.

2007-04-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

5 proofs that people do change:

1. yihui's blog says, "I went to yishun ta meet lynette, liqin, evelyn and evonne.
studied at edge. ... lynette was the ohsohardworking one,
really into her ss book."

2. jasmine law says shes proud of me because im studying so hard. and she said it a few times already (:

3. results suddenly matter alooottt to me, they have never mattered to me before.

4. im studying everyday, for at least 3hours at a go. either on my own, or with a different group each time. on saturdays, excluding edge and school, im studying the whole day.

5. yesterday night, mummy asked me to stop studying so hard. when your mother asks you to stop studying, it means youre studying alot.

nothing is impossible,
lynette is actually starting to study hard for her big year :D

my 5minute attention span isnt 5minutes anymore (:

i really need my <15 for prelims, jiayou myself :D

2007-04-24T20:08:00.000+08:00

quite stupid that im back to being who i used to be one year ago, that person who doesnt open up to anyone because im afraid of being vulnerable.. this is crazy. its like all a cycle. i keep things to myself, i finally decide to open up to someone, that someone disappoints, and i start all over again.

so im very sorry, if i havent been myself lately. its like im distancing myself on purpose from everyone close to me, maybe im just worried all my friendships would turn out the same way. i think you all know who you are, and im sorry if im making some of you feel ignored.

so the official "closure" of something major was on sunday. needless to say, lots of tears were shed, but i guess its really time i learned to move on, aye (:

and ive learned,
its only when your emotions are going crazy,
its only when you've lost what matters to you,
its only when your life is in a whirl,
its only when you arent in control anymore,
its only when theres totally nothing you can do..
thats when God can take control.

i think God likes working with people like me (: i mean seriously, if my life were perfect, theres nothing much my Lord can do for me, can He? but its only in these times of weakness, its only during these times when things are completely beyond my control, that God can really show His power.

but seriously, wow. this is crazy.

i remember crying out to God on sunday night, tired, desperate, lost, and lonely. i remember telling God that i really couldnt do this alone. i really, really felt so helpless. and He gave me this verse:

"The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:11

and right then, He brought back to memory what pastor jeremy seaward had said last saturday, "its only when everyone has abandoned you that you can have quality time with God, because really, its just you and Him now." the first time i heard it, it didnt speak to me, but the second time God brought it back, it really struck. its just me and Him now! (:

TKnet, the VFC representatives (:
(stolen from liqins blog.)

i really thank God for this group of friends i have who keep me strong spiritually. maybe im the "leader", but all of you have really taught me alot. they are Gods gifts to me, at the right moment too. really love every single moment with them (:

Lord do whatever you want to. i have nothing else left for you, nothing.. not much energy left, not much emotions left, nothing much. all i have left now is this life. this mind, this body, this soul. take it all Lord.

(i know i wasnt supposed to blog until after myes, but ahhh, whatever.)

2007-04-20T17:11:00.000+08:00

moonlight walks on that never ending road..
thoughts running through my mind,
questions, needing answers,

and then you break the silence.

one last post, and im not going to blog until after mid years (:

this week, im starting to fall madly, deeply in love with Jesus, much more than ever before. its like nothing matters anymore, and im falling right into His loving arms, and suddenly the whole world doesnt matter. and every single time i spend time with Him, time stops. its something i cant explain.. its a kind of love which you can never find in earthly relationships.

He pulled me out of the valleys, healed my heart, restored my soul, and He still continues to love me unconditionally.. even when ive hurt Him so much. what more can i ask for, seriously. where else can you find that kind of best friend?

another thing is, recently ive been faced with lots of temptations, and i really thank God for putting so many people around me to keep me firm. when i think about it now, i realise its not just pure coincidence that i have the close friends i have now, that they encourage me just when i need it. God has His many ways of keeping His people close to His heart.. and my friends are one of His ways.

(: (:

I've Found Love
lynette(:

verse
theres this crazy thing im feeling
like i cant control myself
i feel joy overflowing
because ive found love

bridge
im falling so hard
so fast, so deep in love

chorus
i could spend all my life
sitting at your feet
i could spend all my days
singing of your goodness
i would give the whole world
for a day in your presence
for a touch of your hand
im so in love, so in love
with You, Jesus

tag
your name be lifted up
your name be lifted up
your name be lifted up
i'll lift your name

More Than Grateful
lynette(:

verse1
for your work on the cross
for the way you change my life
i'll praise your name
and im more than grateful

verse2
for hiding me
through every storm
i'll praise your name
and im more than grateful

chorus
oh, for all you've done
and all youre gonna do
i'll praise your name, Jesus
and im more than grateful

tag
Jesus,
i love you(x3)
i love you(x3)
i love you(x3)
and im more than grateful

this is to you, liqin,
lady, thank you. many times im not sure which one of my friends would last, which one of my friends i would still be close to two or even ten years down the road. but youre the one friend which i know will last. i want you to know that i really, really treasure all my time spent with you. it isnt often that a friend comes along who cares about you to the point of selflessness, its isnt often a friend comes along who only wants to make you happy. but well, ive found one(: and i know, i just know that this friendship is gna last. i know this friendship can stand the test of time. it already has. wongy, i love you. and i want you to know that i will always be here, for the friend that never left my side even when i was being the worst friend ever. you have been a great friend, really. through laughter, through tears, you were always there for me. at my darkest moments, you were the shoulder i could cry on. at my happiest moments, you shared my joy. for these three years, you never stopped showing me what true friendship means. to me, friendship is like an atm bank. memories, feelings, thoughts, love, they are all deposited to be withdrawn when needed. and this atm bank never stops being used. every single day, we deposit something, every single day, something gets withdrawn. wongliqin, youre the most special friend i have ever had.. really, friends forever (:

OHKAY, THE NEXT TIME ANYONE OF YOU SEES ME ONLINE BEFORE MID YEARS END, PLEASE ASK ME TO GET MYSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER AND GO AND STUDY(:

2007-04-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

hello i am having an allergic reaction.
*scratches

fine fine, laugh at me because im allergic to seafood shells and raw seafood.

physically very tired, had very little sleep this week.. dont know what my body is running on. night world! (:

p/s; my dear friend, please realise that this world is not about you. there are other people on this earth as well. and everyone goes through problems but we just learn how to deal with it. so stop wallowing in self pity already, theres so much more to life.

2007-04-18T21:40:00.001+08:00

ive got the study bug.
study study study study study.
school is killing me.

2007-04-18T16:51:00.000+08:00

"i'll remember the deeds of the Lord; yes i'll remember your miracles of long ago. i'll meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds." -psalms 77:11-12

i was sitting on the bus today thinking about what life has dealt me for 16 years. and i dont know why ive never realised this before, but God has come through for me in so many different ways. in little things, in big things, God never failed. and that sudden realisation, the sudden remembrance of all the Lord has done, broke me into tears. Lord really, im grateful. more than words can say, im so grateful to you.

these past two months, God has really shown through. from showing me that im forgiven, to taking every single one of my situations and turning them around. one very important thing ive learnt is that the more you give to God, the more He can change. therefore if you surrender your world, He'll change your world. and im a living testimony of that truth.

i could wow you with what God has done in my life in just a short period of two months, but because of extreme laziness, i wont. this would also become a very long entry then. (: but ask me, and i'd be more than willing to share(:

and one more thing..
im in love.

in fact, ive never been so in love before.

its like i want to spend every single hour i have with Him, every minute, every second.. its like im not afraid of the world anymore, as long as i have Him by my side. its like i know no matter what i do, i know He still loves me, regardless. its like Hes already done so much for me, yet i know Hes going to do more. its like i know He would go all out for me, and for me, He'll do anything. its like i know He wants me to be happy, He wants only the best for me. its like He tells me He loves me everyday. its like Hes going to stay by my side forever. its like, all i need is one word from Him and it keeps me going throughout the day. its like i know He will never, ever let go of me.. and i dont want to let go either. its like Hes done so much for me and i will never be able to repay Him, yet He doesnt mind. its like i want to find out so much more about Him, if possible, everything. its like i want to make as much free time as i have to spend with Him. its like even by just sitting in silence together with Him, i fall more and more in love with every single thing about Him. its like having someone who understands you so well, knows all your flaws, and loves you anyway. its like, love.

im falling so hard, so deep, so fast in love.. and the best part is i know He wont hurt me no matter what..
Jesus(:

2007-04-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

the pasir ris net boyband video! (:
if you ever wondered why sometimes im so full of nonsense, its because these are the kind of people i hang out with(:

2007-04-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

(long post)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MYSELF! :D

THE BEST BIRTHDAY I HAVE EVER HAD.
big bunches of balloons, lots of ice cream, chocolate cake on my face, rainbow bikinis, fake candle blowing pictures, lots of lying, abit of crying, and much much love.
SWEET SIXTEEN IS INDEED, SWEET.

wow. seriously, where do i start..

ohk. i guess it all started yesterday, when there were alot and alot of money passing, note passing, and secret meetings between my close friends who previously, werent close to each other at all. and its like so obvious they dont want me there la. like they would be huddled in a corner talking, and i go over, and conversation finishes :| and there was also some paper passing around which had my name on it but yet i wasnt allowed to see it! obviously, something was happening. so being the person that i am, i thought i was very smart because i figured out there was gna be a birthday surprise. so, being the smart person i am, i decided to tell nikki that i figured out my school friends were giving me a surprise.

i remember going to sleep thinking, if * msgs tmr it will make the start of the happiest birthday ever.

woke up today wanting to pon school, because: 1. theres chem with like, mrs cheong, and i dont have my SPAfile and she would kill me. 2. i didnt do chinese homework, theres chinese. 3. theres a geog test. but i had a date with liqin for after school already, so i went anyway. checked my phone, there were 19 msgs, one from *. that on its own, already made my day. birthday msgs still kept coming throughout the day(:

to cut the long story short, chem and chinese teachers werent present that day, and there was no geog test. oh, bio teacher wasnt there too. so basically, we had 2hours of lessons today only :D the day was going well (: (: just that my surprise never came! i thought it was gna be during recess but i guess i was wrong. so i assumed it was gna be the next day or something. (i dont know, maybe they forgot to buy the cake so they had to postpone it?) the class sang me a birthday song :DD

liqin decided to abandon me for remedial after school. and then, yihui dated me! (: so i decided i would have lunch with her. liqin came after remedial, after walking around we decided to go to swensens because yihui says, "you get free ice cream on your birthday". walked into swensens, AND THEN..

out came all my friends, hiding behind the walls, holding two huge bunches of balloons, two big bowls of ice cream, two cakes (the chocolate one, which i later found out, was to smash into my face.), a bunch of presents, and singing the happy birthday song. chaos, and then i was so touched that i cried. :D thank you so, so much lovelies.

headed down to cathay with liqin later, like kiasu singaporeans, for the free ben&jerrys. definitely got some quality talking done with liqin(: she then told me the whole plan, and i realised their plan had many faults which i failed to spot.

1, how could liqin be having remedial and answering phone calls from yihui at the same time? 2, i saw evelyn and jasminelaw leaving school together, why did i see them with evonne and janice later? 3, why did i see the four of them at the same place i was? and, got a few more la, but cant remember already.

then i found out there was supposed to be a second part of the surprise, where we would go down to pasir ris and meet joyna, nikki, gladys, matthew and i dont know who else, but the second part failed because of lots of other stuff. the thing is, i told nikki yesterday night i suspected something, without realising hes part of it as well! heh, liqin said that sent them into some omg-lynette-knows-about-our-surprise frenzy. but the first part was good enough(: although, says them, i ruined their plan many times cos i kept changing my after-school plans. heh. james came down, that nice person let me and liqin bully him, and carried my balloons, and then we all went home.

heehahooray.

liqin, evelyn, evonne, jasmine, janice, genevieve, shermaine, joyna, nikki, fiona, marcus, matthew, gladys, chesed, yihui, im not sure who else;
THANK YOU. for the best surprise in the whole wide world, and for the presents as well. (: to those who were there, or would have been there for the second part, and to those who contributed financially, thank you. for the surprise, and the many presents. really, thank you for making this the best birthday of my life(:

to the people who came for my birthday bbq,
to the people i got presents from today,
to the people i got presents from before today,
to the people who wished me happy birthday,
THANK YOU.

this has been the best birthday of my life(:

p/s; i can legally get married now!

2007-04-16T18:26:00.000+08:00

f(hahaha)=e^hahaha
havent laughed for so long in awhile;

i dont know why, but ms yeo was going through functions again today during amaths. so, she asked:

if f(x)=e^x, what is f(y)?

maybe its because we havent done functions in too long, but we all didnt know the answer to such a simple, simple question. so she went,

"f(y)=e^y lah! so easy. you can substitute x with anything you want! you can even put your name inside!" (haha im laughing as i type this.)

i dont know why i was the only one who found this highly amusing. like omg, f(lynette)=e^lynette?! hahaha. and the way she said it was super funny. so i laughed throughout amaths and throughout emaths remedial, and straw kept fluttering her eyelids at me. funniest thing ever.

(if you dont know, ms yeo is only the ~~weirdest~~ most unique teacher ive ever had.)

HOHOHO. one more day! (:

2007-04-16T18:23:00.001+08:00

by far the only song that can make me cry every single time i listen to it.

"hope that is seen is no hope at all. who hopes for what he already has? but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." -romans 8:24-25

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider..

2007-04-15T11:31:00.000+08:00

people tend to put on masks. maybe its because they feel more secure, i dont know. everyone has their own reasons. but as life goes by, we start to assume thats who we are. but the truth is, thats not who we are, but who we want to be. seriously, have you ever admired someone so much that you picked up bits of his/her character and used it as your own? if you havent, tell me. i would show you how you have(: and to be honest, i fall in this category too. i think everyone does.

in this world, everyone tells you that you have to have a stable career to be happy. you have to have a good family to be happy. be a good mother to feel accomplished. the list goes on.. and now, i find thats what my dreams have become. to do well for my Os, get myself in a good jc, go to uni, then have my life worked out for me. except that now, a cert doesnt guarantee you anything. but thats still my dream. i dream of starting a family, becoming a super mom. but is that what i really want? deep down, i know it isnt. those arent my dreams, they are what the world tells me my dreams are. they are what my parents tell me my dreams are, what my friends tell me my dreams are. and im going to spend my whole life trying to make those dreams a reality, when they arent even what i really want.

have you ever asked yourself why you are nice to others? is it because you truly want to make them happy, or is it because you know that would make them like you more and ultimately, that would make you happy? have you wondered why youre outgoing, is it because thats the only way to make friends or because thats really who you are? would you still be who you are now if you grew up in a different environment? and i guess the answer for most of us would be no. is it normal for us to be different if we grow up in a different environment, or does that just prove my point that we are not who we really are? i suppose i will never know.

so who am i, really?

nowadays, i try my best to be "myself". but who is "myself", and what makes me? am i really who i am, or just a product of the characteristics of many other people ive admired? they tell me to be true to myself. but how can i, when im not even sure who i am? even deep down, are my thoughts really my own thoughts, or a fragment of everyone elses'? i suppose these are the new questions im going to try and find answers to. but are these really my own questions, or am i asking this because, maybe, ive heard someone else ask them before?

i am who i am because situations mould me to be this way. but really, is that what lynette is supposed to be? is this who i am, truly? or are the characters of everyone else created by the situations they go through as well? what is supposed to make you? i guess what im trying to ask is, were we all born with different characteristics, or were we all born the same, and left to be moulded by situations we face in life? or was i born already different from everyone else? im not sure if i ever will find out.

but for a start, im going to stop putting on a mask because even though having one on makes me feel secure, i definitely feel more comfortable being who i think i am..

for now.

2007-04-13T16:53:00.000+08:00

people find it hard to forgive.
rare, true friends forgive, but they wont forget.
theres only one person who can forgive and forget whatever ive done,
and His name is Jesus.

i love you Jesus :D

tj ip ~~kids~~ smarties came back to find me today to celebrate my birthday, again(: thank you babes :D and they brought not only one, but two cakes! goes to show how greedy they think i am. heh. so we pizza hut-ed for lunch and i wasted my birthday wish on something stupid again. *frowns. pizza hut manager decided to treat me to lunch on account of my birthday, and when i decided to admit it wasnt my birthday yet, he went "its okay la, lunch is still on me!" omg yay i love you mr pizza hut manager, and i shall vote you for best service when i find out your name. :D

im starting to realise the specialness of sixteenth birthdays! like, its not even my birthday yet and ive had 5 birthday cakes already.

I FEEL THE LOVE (:

2007-04-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

these thoughts running through my mind..
running, running, running,
its like they have a life of their own.

HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY HERO YET!!
her name is chelsea pua wan yi :D

she saved my eraser from my pencil's backside.

pei, mumtaz and i have been trying to do that for months,
but my eraser was unsavable.
yet i couldnt throw my eraser away because its labelled "eraser",
for when i go senile and cant remember what erasers are.

thank you my hero :D

2007-04-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

alright birthday bbq pictures are up!

we just had to camwhore at my place :D

presenting, half of region 5/6. (and two 3/4s)

i think they cast a spell on the candles! i had to blow like, 5 times before they all went off.

my tkgirls! (: (both lower sec and upper sec friends.)

k thats all.

Gods love never fails, neither does it end.

2007-04-10T20:55:00.000+08:00

have been pretty down the past few days. i was wondering why, when i realised: i havent done quiet time in five days. sometimes, its so easy to forget to do quiet time. and not having that daily intake of the Word and that daily time spent with God can cause a believers faith to die out slowly, as mine was the past few days. never underestimate the power of doing quiet time.

so. today, was going to ikea with pei (ikea is fun :D) to buy stuff for her juniors and on the way, she randomly went "this is the oldest song in my mp3!" and she let me listen to it. and it went,

God will make a way
when there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
hold me closely to His side
with love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

and then it dawned on me, that His plans are perfect, and everything we go through now is part of His plan. even before He let the problems happen, He already had a solution!

and the thing is, God has been making ways for people, creating new paths for people who thought they reached a dead end, since thousands of years ago. the truth of this song dates back many thousand years ago. and thats what makes the song the oldest one in peis mp3(:

i suppose it really doesnt matter what is happening in our lives, what matters is we know God is in control. and once we understand that, life will be much better. life is only a few years, really. so you just have to grit your teeth, clench your fists and hold on.

trust me, the more you choose to put God first in your life, the harder the devil will fight. and trust me, battling against the devil is never easy. many times, the devil has triumphed over me. but ultimately, when i repent and choose to give God full control again, He always comes through, He always defeats the devil once again.

"we are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. we are perplexed, but we dont give up and quit. we are hunted down, but God never abandons us. we get knocked down, but we get up and keep going" -2 corinthians 4:8-9

if youre reading this, i believe God has put you in my path(: look, the thing is, ive failed. many times, ive failed. so many times ive sinned, so many times ive hurt the people around me, so many times ive hurt God. but yet, im still going for Christ. ive fallen, so hard, but God still picked me up. and what keeps me going is knowing that God is going to be with me always. He will never, ever let go of my hand. even as i fight this spiritual battle, the Lord is fighting it with me. im not alone, and neither are you. the Lord is my shield, and also my sword. Hes yours too. the christian walk is never easy.. trust me, i know. the devil has his heart set on putting us down, and he is definitely the best there is in doing so. but it says in the bible that the battle is already won. when Christ died on the cross, He already won the battle for us. the spiritual battle is the hardest battle we are ever going to fight. and if you have fought throughout and kept your eyes on God, i salute you, really i do(: and if you have faltered, if you have once given up, or if you are going to, remember: God never abandons us. never. dont give up on the only One who will never give up on you. He will pull you through, just like i know He will pull me through this.

i love my Lord :D

"even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me" -psalms 23:4

I Trust In You
lynette(:

verse
Jesus, cover me
shelter me, keep me safe
hold me, like a child
i will find my rest in You

bridge
You've already done so much
in my life
and i will never, never let go
for i'd be nothing without You

chorus
i trust in You
i trust You to calm this storm
i put my hope in You
i give you control
Lord i pray
its my cry
wont you reign
above this storm

tag
even when the water rages
even when the clouds cover the sky
i will trust
i will trust in You

on a separate note, i really thank God for keeping this tknet going once again. it wasnt easy choosing to restart the net, and it definitely took lots of faith from all of us, but i believe God is going to live in and through us. as individuals, and as a net. i love you ~~guys~~ girls(:

and i love you Jesus.

2007-04-08T15:52:00.001+08:00

i need to learn to control my emotions.

2007-04-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

im bored. i dont know why, survivor is at 1230am today so i have to wait like, forever until i can watch. rarr. neehahoho, i support orange tribe!

omg my birthday bbq is TOMORROW.
omg im gna be 16 in 11 days!

YAAYYYY.
(i hope mr exbestfriend comes tmr!)

2007-04-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

good friday is not just another holiday, its the very basis of christianity.

it marks the day we were set free, it a day when we remember that Gods love conquers all. its a day to remember Gods grace and mercy, its a day we remember how much God has forgiven us no matter what we have done. it marks the very day Jesus did the miraculous work on the Cross which we so freely sing about today. its a day we remember, that for 2000 years and many more to come, God has set His people free, from all bondage. and all because of this one special day, when my Jesus died on the Cross for me.

and thats what today means to me(:

(or you can read this, dated a few weeks back(:)

2007-04-02T19:14:00.000+08:00

when was the last time you really thanked God for a meal?
when was the last time you thanked God for keeping you through the day?
when was the last time you thanked God for the family you have?
when was the last time you thanked God for "simple things", like a home?
when was the last time you thanked God for luxuries like sitting in front of the computer, reading a blog?

more than half the world is barely surviving, living from hand-to-mouth. they would do anything, for the vegetables you are about to throw away at dinner later. they would do anything for the clothes you throw away which are too "outdated". they dream of receiving the education which you complain about. they would trade anything they have, just to live your life..

when was the last time you realised how truly blessed you are?

2007-04-02T18:46:00.000+08:00

sports day

i have a retarded video, but not posting it because i know you all will laugh at me.

yes, and i do happen to know i have hardly any eyes when i smile.

2007-03-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

for my loved ones;

many times in our lives, people come and go. but some people leave marks in your life no one else can erase..

so heres to janice, genevieve, shermaine, evelyn, evonne, lorraine, elise, michelle, clare, julia, kimberly, wanshi, sabrina, samuel, nick, sylvia, shereen, joan, melanie, joeltan, joelchua, fiona, liqin, cheri, 5/6 youths and my precious family,

all of you have made my life special and different, really.

most importantly,

heres to Jesus for putting these special ones in my life.

*raises imaginary wineglass

i guess there is no way for me to tell all of how much you matter to me. every one of these friendships is a different story, yet theyre all the same.. all built on the foundation of love. and they all brought special moments into my life. through tears and joy, make up and break ups, ive never stopped loving any one of you and i never will. i wouldnt be where i am without every single one of you.

without the encouragement of janice,

the joy of genevieve,

the selflessness of shermaine,

the love of evelyn,

the assurance of evonne,

the support of lorraine,

the laughter of elise,

the understanding of michelle,

the hugs of clare,

the warmth of julia,

the shoulder of kimberly,

the listening ear of wanshi,

the trust of sabrina,

the smiles of samuel,

the comfort of nick,

the msgs of sylvia,

the love of shereen,

the care of joan,

the pep talks of melanie,

the grace of joeltan,

the understanding of joelchua,

the smiles of fiona,

the support of liqin,

the warmth of cheri,

the everything of 5/6youths,

the unconditional love of my family,

and the grace and mercy of God,

i would not be where i am today. i would not be standing firm where i am now, not about to be shaken by anything that comes my way. i would not be waking up every moment and thanking God for these priceless things in my life. i would not be feeling contented with everything i have. i would not know how to smile, i would not know how to love. i would not have that strong, strong pillar of support you all give me. everything about life would be different, without each and every one of you.

I LOVE YOU ALL, SO MUCH.

♥ ♥ ♥

2007-03-28T19:43:00.001+08:00

TKnet is getting started again! :D
Lord keep this one going, move in us and through us.

[edit]
i was going through my archives, and i found this sentence:
ONLY GOD PROVIDES, ONLY GOD STANDS TO THE VERY END.
how very true.
[/edit]

2007-03-28T17:16:00.000+08:00

King Of My Heart
lynette(:

verse1
your grace
it never ends
you love me
the way that i am
you took
my sins away
your precious blood
now over my life

verse2
i stand
in awe of you
i lift up my hands
i pour our my praise
Jesus
youre beautiful
how i long
how i long for your touch

bridge
i cant escape your love
i could run to the ends of the earth
and i'd find you

chorus
i love you, Jesus
i'll worship you with my life
i open my heart to you
Lord wont you come in
wont you take your place
wont you be the king of my heart

lifes still pretty much isnt going very well,
but every single night i spend with God
strengthens me for the next day.

i keep telling myself to sleep early every night,
and i go to bed early
but end up doing qt until past midnight.
maybe thats why ive been so tired recently!

but yes. nowadays,
im drained emotionally and spritually,
every single day
because of the things happening in my life.
but quiet time with my Lord
really really renews my strength.

so quiet time yesterday was planned to be half an hour,
but then it dragged two hours.
but it was a surreal time of conversation with God(:
left me physically tired,
but spiritually hyped up and ready to go again.

and then last night the Lord said to me,
"when your world stops revolving around yourself and starts revolving around me, then i'll show you my power. put your hope in me, my child."

i'll get through this! i know it(:
and when i do,
I WONT FORGET TO GIVE YOU ALL GLORY.

God is the strength of my heart
and my portion, forever

2007-03-27T21:33:00.000+08:00

life is so complicated,
yet only God has answers.

[edit]
it just occured to me..
how the world sees me, and whether or not the world accepts me does not determine who i am.. its God who does.

2007-03-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

i bring an offering of worship
to my King
no one on earth deserves
the praises that i sing
Jesus, may you receive
the honor that youre due
oh Lord, i bring an offering to you

my phone is spoilt ):

ohk then anyway, i cut my hair today! its really pretty, im quite satisfied :D wheehee pretty pretty! *whistles at self

k sorry :D
what else..

oh! i was sleeping in ss today, and mrs lopez decided to call on me to answer a question. the thing is, i was in a really deep sleep so i didnt wake up until mumtaz kicked my chair/farah poked me. AND, if you know me well enough, you would know i dont talk at all for the first 5 minutes after i wake up. in fact, im really quiet for the first hour after i wake up.

so right, i just woke up from a deep sleep, how am i supposed to answer a question! so yeah. im not sure what i said, but i heard i answered mrs lopez's question after 4 million years cos i had to wake up, and then get my senses in place. so everyone kept laughing at my ss incident today! *frowns

and mrs lopez hates me now. gah.

mr songbook is half full :D says a lousy kid, i have enough songs to have an album! no wait, two. whoo :D

the whole of today ive been thinking of my mistakes, again. i know im forgiven, and accepted as i am. yet however, i keep looking to man for satisfaction. i keep looking to man for forgiveness. and when i dont get the forgiveness i long for, i get disappointed.

God gave me two verses;

that is why the Lord says, "turn to me now, while there is time! give me your hearts. come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.." return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful. he is not easily angered. he is filled with kindness and is not eager to punish you.
Joel 2:12-13

a reassurance that hes forgiven me and well, he'll really make all things right someday, for hes not eager to punish.

dont be afraid, my people! be glad now and rejoice because the Lord has done great things.
Joel 2:21

no matter what, even if i never find forgiveness in that one person i seek forgiveness from, i really have to stand up and rejoice. get rid of my insecurities and worries that i wont ever find a friend as good as ____. who cares if he isnt willing to forgive, my Lord has forgiven me already.

broken relationships, broken friendships need time to heal. ive really got to learn to stop being so impatient and let things take their own course. and if we never become the friends we used to be, well.. i really cant imagine what life will be like (these four months of you ignoring me have been killing me already), but i'll get on with life. yes.

10minutes to shower and then watch my 9pm show!

my dear friend, i really miss you but ive decided to just keep quiet about it and wait for the feeling to go away. but i cant seem to move on, can you?

2007-03-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

these hands were made to praise you
these lips were made to lift you up
i give to you my life in worship
this feet were made to serve you
this tongue to sing of your great love
i give to you my life in worship

Lord, help me to remember what im truly living for.

2007-03-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

Dont Pass Me By
planetshakers
my heart it longs, my soul it thirsts for more
for more of you
im reaching out, im waiting here for more
for more of you

cos all i want is you
all i need is to be here with you

im hungry for Your fire
im desperate, Youre my one desire
Jesus, please dont pass me by

i need You, more than ever
i'm thirsty, for a touch from Heaven
Jesus, please dont pass me by

God is good, and i'll never cease to proclaim his goodness.
he saved me from a mistake i couldnt save myself from,
pulled me out of darkness and into his light,
and he placed so many encouraging people around me.

God is ~~good~~ ~~great~~ beyond words.

to lucien (even though you probably may never see this):
thank you. i never thought you would accept my apology, but well.. wow. hey, although we were never close, youre real special to me alright. you really are an example of what the church family is supposed to be like. despite the things ive said to you, ultimately you still forgave and even, took some of the blame yourself. not that its any fault of yours, but you know.. (: you may not know this, but you really taught me alot about what friends should be like. youre great, and im so glad i know someone like you. you know, when i got your msg last night during evening service, i teared. thank you, for being such a good friend.

2007-03-24T10:55:00.000+08:00

its quite weird, during the weekdays my blog is untouched then i update alot on weekends. haha(:

ohk. as everyone knows, i watched survivor last night.
i got 3 msgs from 3 different people at midnight asking hows my survivor la! hahaha so now everyone is telapathic and knows i cant miss my favourite survivor :D

sorry sidetracking.

anyway, anthony got out instead of rocky!
anthony is super nice k.
and they decided to get rid of him just because hes "not as fit as rocky" and "has no backbone"?

firstly, anthony has determination.
secondly, i cant stand rocky!

am still quite pissed about it. *frown
and i cried alot yesterday when anthony got out.

heh heh

2007-03-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

if i had a life song, oh how i want it to be "bless the Lord".
listen to it if you can.
*points left

to bless his name forever, to live just to worship him.

2007-03-23T16:33:00.000+08:00

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" -romans 3:23
-im a grateful child. how amazing can things get.. forgiven, despite all.

if i could just sit in your presence everyday, pouring out my heart to you. pouring out my deepest thoughts, my deepest emotions, my joys and my sorrow. letting you heal me, letting you speak to me and letting you do your deep work.

i would give up anything, to do that all the days of my life.
love you so much, Jesus.

Everyday With You
lynette(:

verse1
you have given me life
saved me by your grace
so i choose to give my life to you
and shine your name

verse2
all i want to be
is closer to you
Lord live through me and let the world see
you in me

bridge
i wont go back to the way i used to be
because you've turned my life around
i'll never be the same

chorus
everyday's a brand new day with you
a brand new day
everyday's a better day with you
a better day
how could you love me so
i'll never let you go
everyday
with you

tag
everyday, my everyday
(repeat)
my everyday with you

2007-03-23T16:12:00.000+08:00

SHOUTS OF PRAISE

God never stops assuring me that things would be alright(:
and even as i constantly question him about my relationships,
he says, trust me.

so i trust you, Lord.

great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
morning by morning
new mercies i see
all i hath needed
thy hand hath provided
great is thy faithfulness
Lord unto me

i keep singing in class(:
and singing and singing and singing and singing! :D
i think im starting to irritate everyone around me with my purposely-out-of-tune "hero". heh. i love you jasminetan/mumtaz/farah/hajjar/fadhilah for bearing with me!

and i keep singing christian songs and nobody around me understands (i sit in the middle of the malay bunch!) and keeps asking what im singing. and i would reply, "christian song", and they would go, "oh". and the next song i sing, they would ask the same question and i would say the same thing and the same thing happens all over again heh. i still remember that time i was singing i dont know what and mrs loy went, "who is that singing ah!", and gen and jan wouldnt stop laughing at me *frowns

anyway anyway, seriously, singing songs about Christ really keeps me going yes!

come on come on lets get my life started again! :D

I Offer My Life To You
lynette(:

verse1
Jesus there's no one like you
i worship none beside you
Jesus i give to you my life
take it as an offering

verse2
how could i thank you
for all you've done
no one loves me the way you do
no one else gave their life for me

bridge
i lay everything down
for the one who died for me
i can only give unto you
what you've given to me

chorus
i offer my life to you
to do as you want me to
take my lips, take my hands
take my heart
in everything i do
i seek to lift your name up high

tag
everything, you're my everything
you're everything to me

2007-03-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

JUMP FOR JOY JUMP FOR JOY!
God's been so good,
really.

its been four days after synergiz and God is shining through(:

Olevel SPA again today.
wasnt very good, my titration readings are very different from everyone else.
hope i get method marks for the calculation part though.

alright, 4 SPAs down, 2 more to go! (:

so i had extra time to think after Olevel SPA today. and it suddenly hit me, that i was taking an Olevel paper. it suddenly hit me, that this is my last year in tk.

time passes so, so fast. and there are so many memories i will never, ever forget.

chesed, clare, elise, evelyn, evonne, fiona, genevieve, janice, julia, kimberly, liqin, lorraine, michelle, shermaine, wanshi,

you have really made my time in tk a special one.
babes, i will really miss you all.

2007-03-19T20:50:00.000+08:00

Jesus, i surrender
i draw nearer, i fall down
Master, be my Saviour
be my shelter, be my God

thank you Jesus.

the past few days have been so busy and tiring, but i would do anything to do it all over again. see, i went for synergiz again this year.

i really dont know when exactly and it was definitely not a sudden thing, but as i went through synergiz, God was starting to mould me, in those short three days. every single session, i was being renewed, strengthened. and as i began to open up my heart, i realised i was worshipping God with a totally new spirit. i was entering a new realm of worship. i was beginning to understand the Father Heart of God, and what he thought of me, and the plans for my life. i started to find new faith in him, as i found it much easier than before to trust my Lord.

but yet, there were certain things which i werent willing to let go.

on the last night, jeanne mayo told us a story about some people living for God who refused to give God up and instead, chose to die a painful death by freezing, for Christ. i started to tear, as i realised that honestly, im not sure if i would choose to do the same.

at the end of her story, jeanne mayo asked if we would make the same decision, to choose the cross. and if we did, she wanted us to stand and shout with all within us, "i choose the cross!". i wasnt the first few to do it. in fact, i was one of the last. because as i was sitting on my seat, i was struggling. i did not want to say something i did not mean. choosing the cross meant being willing to give up my life for Christ. it meant being willing to surrender everything to Christ. and that, is not easy. but as these thoughts ran through my head, i found myself being filled up with courage, a courage ive never had before. and then, i knew what i had to do. i knew what was right. i was going to choose the cross, and i wasnt afraid of it.

and as i stood up, as i shouted that i chose the cross, something inside of me broke. and right then, i knew i was set free. i had been set free from all guilt, all shame. my Lord had set me free. the band started playing "Jesus, i surrender", and i started to weep as i fell to my knees and chose to let go. and right after i told the Lord that i was surrendering every single thing to him, he reached out to me. slowly, as i wept and wept, he started to heal my heart. he started to dig deep inside of me, taking out every single hurt i was carrying with me and comforting my broken heart.

im really grateful for the 5/6 youths God has placed around me. a few of them prayed for me, and all their prayers were similar.. "no matter what mistakes you have made, God has forgiven you. hes your comforter. he loves you no matter what, and he sees your repentent heart. he has already forgiven you, he loves you so much." after every prayer, my heart broke, as i felt something which ive never experienced and i wont be able to describe. then there were hugs from others, which really touched me.

that night, God healed my hurting heart.

i went into synergiz broken, tired, and lost. i come out of synergiz, just three days later, a warrior, set free by the grace of God.

I'm Free
lynette(:

verse
oh Lord you've never failed
you always come through
whenever i need you
you'll reach out your hand
no guilt, no condemnation
you take it all away
because you're always near
the devil has no hold on me

bridge
the battle may be hard
but i stand in victory

chorus
for im free
so i lift my hands and praise
im free
to worship you all day
you've broken all the chains
you take my burdens away
you set me free
so im free

tag
im free, im free, im free,
im free!

2007-03-16T00:36:00.000+08:00

when i had it all, then i lost it all. then i find something new, maybe, something even better. moving on to a new phase of life, moving right on to something different, a realm ive never entered before. broken friendships, relationships, hurts and pains, i can only move on after i totally surrender.

2007-03-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

truly, im at a loss for words. and all i can say, is wow.

today, i had a true revelation of Christ's love. the scars on his back, hands, feet, for me.

a vision which i got today and will never forget;

every lie i told, i struck Jesus once. every time i put someone down, i struck Jesus once. every time i let jealousy overcome me, i struck Jesus once. every time i thought only of myself, i struck Jesus once. every time i felt bitter with people for hurting me, i struck Jesus once. every time ungodly words came out of my lips, i struck Jesus once. every time i put other things and people first, i struck Jesus once. when i shouted at my parents, i was putting the nail in his hand. when i put my brothers and sisters in Christ down, i was putting the nail in his hand. when i pretended to be someone i was not, i was putting the nail in his feet. when i thought ungodly thoughts, i was putting the crown of thorns on his head.

then, on the cross, even after all i put him through, Jesus looked at me. and he looked at me in a way nobody else has ever looked at me before. in his eyes, i could see so much love. he smiled at me, saying, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." then a single drop of his blood fell on my shoulder, and i knew i was forgiven.

then he looked to heaven and said, "it is finished."

all for me, get that.
he came down to earth and lived as man,
then died that painful, unimaginable death,
all for me.

for the lies i would make.
the wrong things i would say and do.
the bad thoughts i would have.
he, the son of man, came down to set me free from those sin.

JESUS LOVES ME,
AND HE LOVES YOU TOO.

i have now been set free,
forgiven.

2007-03-14T14:27:00.000+08:00

Above All
Michael W. Smith

verse 1
above all powers above all kings
above all nature and all created things
above all wisdom and all the ways of man
you were here before the world began

verse 2
above all kingdoms above all thrones
above all wonders the world has ever known
above all wealth and treasures of the earth
theres no way to measure what youre worth

chorus
crucified laid behind the stone
you lived to die rejected and alone
like a rose trampled on the ground
you took the fall and thought of me
above all

quick update:

yesterday i almost died because i lost my planner. (i cannot survive without my planner, i forget everything.) but then i found it again at night. hooray.

i havent studied much, seriously too lazy. i need to get this lack of self discipline prayed for man.

i just found out im supposed to be doing ushering for synergiz which i dont really want to do, but well(: what to do.

im really excited about synergiz! technically, synergiz brings bad memories because the past two years i went with someone who i really dont want to think about. and this person is going again this year but not with me. *frowns. but hey, moving moving moving right on soon! plus now, when im at the point where im at a spiritual super low, i need something to shake me up and synergiz is gna do that. yay.

i super dont like playing bass now. i mean i still do, but im so, so bad at it! in a way, i dont dare to play anymore. im so lousy please. ):

and ive been having dreams about my birthday for the past few days. hem. one more month! sweet sixteen, i can really smell you now :D

im not over yul yet(: please please watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9VhiZyNtVE :D
OH MY GOSH HOW HOT PLEASE. and charismatic and darn smart.
happy drooling!

~~its the 15th march tomorrow which we have been waiting for since day one, but i prefer it all gone now, although i do miss you. happy supposed two years anyway, dude(:~~

2007-03-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" -romans 3:23

like a little kid learning how to walk, i find myself taking baby steps towards Jesus again, to where we used to be. no huge steps now, im going through this process once again. the same process i went through two years ago.

just like a new believer, im finding my faith. learning once again, to put my trust in him and only him, although with a million questions at the back of my mind.

2007-03-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

All I Need Is You
Hillsongs United

verse 1
left my fear by the side of the road
hear you speak, wont let go
fall to my knees, as i lift my hands to pray
got every reason to be here again
Fathers love that draws me in
and all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of you

chorus
all i need is you
all i need is you, Lord, is you, Lord
all i need is you
all i need is you, Lord, is you, Lord

verse 2
one more day, and its not the same
your spirit calls my heart to sing
drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
where would my soul be without your son
gave his life to save the earth
rest in the thought that youre watching over me

bridge
you hold the universe
you hold everyone on earth
you hold the universe
you hold, you hold

the past cannot be changed, so stop trying to.
look at the present instead, change that.
give yourself a future.

i was just randomly bloghopping, when i caught this from the blog from an acquaintance,

"everyone has their different standards & convictions in their faith.
judge not club-going, smokers, hooligans who could be believers as bad christians. it might be just that they have not sorted their lives out ,have not found their real purpose in life.
give them a chance, to be a better person (: (:
humans, are never perfect.
even for believers (:
because us ,often feel the pain, only after getting burnt.
like how it was fashioned us to feel pain and see blood only after the wound is cut not the other way round
IF NOT WE'D HAVE AVOIDED THAT RISK OF GETTIN THE WOUND,
wouldnt we?
everyone deserves a chance (:
cos' we all have to learn.
hard or soft way.
we become better, after having learnt."

really opened my eyes to alot of things. you know, like they always say, no pain no gain. in order to grow, we really have to go through grinding and moulding, which will definitely be painful.

i made a mistake, i huge mistake, fine. what matters is i learnt from it. and really, whats lost is lost. it should just serve as a painful reminder not to make the same mistake again. no point trying to get people and things back, and hurting myself further.

right now i feel very defeated, but thats okay. deep down, i know the battles already won. the devil got me for awhile but look,

im back now.

i stumbled, but Gods grace never ends and He waits for me to recover. and when i do, im going to run. faster than i ever have, im going to run with everything i have, and leave the past behind me.

Lord you know im really not strong enough for this. and you know, im not strong enough for even half of this growing up process. but yet i have to go through it. its now or never. give me strength, i really need it now.

2007-03-12T22:13:00.001+08:00

can everyone stop asking me to move on from ____ already, you think very easy ah.

they tell me every cloud has a silver lining. i believe, really.

2007-03-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

worthless, its all worthless. we struggle through life to gain something but once its gone, its gone forever.

2007-03-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

its no secret that right now i feel crushed, beaten, totally defeated by the devil, helpless and very very tired. ive lost any reason to smile, i know something in me has died.

its obvious to everyone now. its something i cant hide anymore, and it shows.

but yet,
God promises that i will recover.

how could i ever let you know,
im sorry, joels.

2007-03-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

ive been doing hardcore mugging, and im really proud of myself(:

spent 13 straight hours on saturday/early sunday studying and studying and studying, only breaking to bathe, eat, and watch 45 minutes of tv. i didnt even go for edge please. with only one thing at the back of my mind, Olevels and the fact that if i dont get a single digit, im screwed because i have nothing else to back me up. that, and the fact that my L1R5 now is 36. and i have alooott of catching up to do.

so yeah, i take back everything i ever said about not being able to study alone, because i just realised, i study better on my own(:

bye life,
Olevels are more important than having a social life now.

jan;
your card thing really made me cry(: many times, when i feel helpless, its really friends like you who keep me going. ive been selfish, and i think you realised im not perfect, far from it. but yet, you love me as i am. even when ive changed, you still love me. and i cant tell you how much you mean to me now, but you really do.

mel;
thank you for calling, 15minutes ago. it goes beyond words how grateful i am that there are still people around who care, and who want to give me support. and even though ive disappointed you so much, youre still there. no matter how much ive changed, you patiently wait for me to be my old self again. and that, really matters so much to me.

___,
i wish i could tell you to look me in the eye right now, dont do this. dont hurt yourself, and everyone else. dont lose yourself. half a year ago i made a big mistake, i lost who i was. and as a result, i lost people, things, that really mattered to me. i never got them back, and as i struggle to get those people and things back again, im starting to realise, i never will. once, i lost who i was. and i paid for it, a very big price. babe i love you. i love you so much, and i really dont want you to make the same mistake i did. its really, really not worth it.

2007-03-10T14:11:00.000+08:00

k im sorry for the last post.

so what if i dont have a future, and never will have one? it doesnt matter. i dont care.

life is so tough. and im so tired of just struggling through life. im tired of going around in circles. im tired of knowing that i ruined my own life. im so tired.

but yet somehow,
i'll survive.

always running through my mind
"for i know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".
-jeremiah 29:11

so hard to believe.
yet somehow, i have to.

Lord where are you?!
im going to call on you until you appear.

2007-03-07T22:13:00.000+08:00

ive never, ever felt so tired.
all i want to do is lie down, forget about everything,
and pretend im not playing this crazy thing called life.

2007-03-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

i find myself close to that point once again, i find myself close to breaking down. im tired, tired. school, ~~best~~ friend, everything.

wow. i really dont know what to think, let alone blog.

lets just say, today was crazy. it all startd when i finally realisd how screwed i am in school. i am screwd, totally screwd for Os. going home with janice, i startd to talk nonsense &open up a little bit. i only open up under two conditions,

1, im very stressd &i cant take it anymore, &
2, its at night, as in the sky is dark.

i was under both today.

i think i rambled alot to janice today. &you know what, now i realise, i really dont know what to think/feel/say/do.

life is a cycle, isnt it? we make friends, we make bonds, we lose friends, we move on, we start all over again. no really, what is life really all about? i was just thinkg..

look at the clique, julia, wanshi, kimberly, lorraine, michelle, elise. the closest group of friends ive ever had. we used to be so close, sharg everythg, sometimes, even planng futures together. look at us now. we all movd on.

look at joeltan/chua. wasnt there a time when we could talk about anythg, everythg? a time we were there for each other, when we were so important to each other? i really couldnt imagine life without the both of them. &i never wantd to lose them. but they expectd me to be perfect, &i disappointd them when they found out im not perfect, im only human. so look at us now. they movd on.

look at sabrina, nick &samuel. we used to spend so much time together, our lives revolvg around each others. planng everythg to fit each others schedule. look at us now. we movd on.

then i look at the friends i have now. janice, genevieve, shermaine, evelyn, evonne, liqin. two years down the road, will things really be the same? or will we be all be victims of this vicious friendship cycle, all being friends who dont last?

then i look at my "friends" in church. the people i trust the least, are the people i know in church. maybe ive lost all faith in what church friends can bring. one after another, my "best friends", fionayong, joeltan, gone without any warng.

i look at what used to be my best friend, Jesus. we've grown so far apart. so far apart, my heart has grown cold. im not sure what to expect from Him anymore. i havent movd on from Him, or the other way round, but it seems to be that this close bond is non existent anymore.

so really, what is friendship all about?

im tired of this stupid game. and i dont want to find out what friendship is anymore.

2007-03-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

i dont know if im stressd, or what.

even before my tonsillitis ended, i startd havg really, really huge ulcers in my mouth. &they havent gone. &they are so big that i cant even eat properly &supposdly, i drool? haha. &then my monthly thing is late by weeks.

the past 2 weeks have been crazy, &judging from the way things are going this week is going to be the same. im already fully packd until after march holidays please.

why am i even blogging?!

i have 8 compos, 50 pages of workbook, &4 mid year papers to do by friday.
&thats only chinese.

(why am i even wonderg if im stressd? i obviously am.)

2007-03-05T20:37:00.000+08:00

suddenly, we are perfect strangers.
with a secret that only you &i know,
the only thing we have in common
is we used to have an important friend,
who suddenly became a stranger.

nobody knows that we are going
to remain strangers forever,
never talking, never caring.
whats yours is yours,
whats mine is mine.
its going to stay that way forever,
&that is something between us.

im forced to realise
theres no fairytale ending
in this story,
this is the real world.

&what was, can never be again.
im sorry, &i really really miss you,
~~peanut~~ stranger.

2007-03-04T21:44:00.000+08:00

this post might contradict all my others.

ohk. i know that "even though i may not matter to anyone, i matter to God &thats all i need". i still believe that, but the 'thats all i need' part isnt that true.

i do want to believe that, but seriously, cmon.

im only human.

like every other normal human being, i just want to be acceptd. i want to have a friend, a real physical friend. someone to confide in, to share my joy &sorrow, to watch over me, to be there. the only two times i had such friends, they lastd one year. i want a real friend now, more than ever..

or maybe thats really too hard to ask for.

or maybe, its because i find that once again, i cant trust anyone anymore. its not that i dont want to, i just cant.

i thought i got rid of my insecurity, my inability to trust people, a year ago.

i guess i was wrong.

2007-03-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

i really wish i never knew you.
if only you werent the nicest person i knew.
if only i didnt feel such a strong bond with you then.
then letting go wouldnt be this hard, isnt it?

whatever.

2007-03-03T12:42:00.000+08:00

Take Me In
lynette(:

verse 1
i call to you
and i know you're near
all i want is you, Lord
there's nothing i want more

verse 2
i close my eyes
and i can only see you
all i want is you, Lord
there's nothing i want more

bridge
im losing all control of myself
im slipping into your presence
where you are

chorus
im reaching out to you
calling out your name
im hungry, im desperate
just to have a glimpse of you
im crying out to you
longing to hear your voice
i want to be with you, Jesus
take me in

verse 3
i lift my hands
and i can feel your touch
all i want is you, Lord
theres nothing i want more

tag
fall in this place
fall in this place
fall in this place
Jesus

In Your Presence
lynette(:

verse 1
in your presence, i find my peace
in your presence, i find my joy
in your presence, i find your love
only in your presence

verse 2
in your presence, i find my strength
in your presence, i find forgiveness
in your presence, no condemnation
only in your presence

bridge
thats where i will run to
to your secret courts of love
that's where i always want to stay
with you

chorus
oh Lord, let your glory fall
oh Lord, im drawing near
to where you are
to where we will be
in your presence

2007-03-03T11:40:00.000+08:00

why is it the people i love the most are the ones who dont love me back? why is it the people who matter the most to me are the ones who move on? i guess this week ive been strugglg with one question, what am i really worth? i havent been spendg time with God, because ive been feelg so inadequate, so unworthy of talkg to the one who made the heavens &the earth.

i dont dare to talk to God.
how could i, when im so unworthy.
many times, i even felt nervous about a simple prayer before a meal.

then there was one night when i had a really huge arguement with my parents. that night, behind lockd doors, i broke down. i reachd my limit, the devil had got me with his lies that i didnt matter to anyone.

the next day, i got a msg from someone sayg, "You're a child of the most high. Loved in his eyes." that was all, &that was all i needed.

&thats when i realisd.. even if i dont matter to anyone now, i matter to God. so much so, that He came down to earth as man, &died a painful death. for me, just for me. just for me.

man.

how loved am i, man.

but then theres this emptiness that i feel, which i cant figure out what. probably from the loss of a certain friend, or maybe.. rarr. hope to get over it soon.

ohkk.
anyway,
the past few days have been havoc, tryg to balance my school life &social life (which is dying already anyway).

its like playg a game. if i have a meetg on monday &thursday night at 7pm, a party on friday night after 6pm, &also a meeting on the same night at 8pm, if i need to buy present for 3 people but separately &dependg on when people decide to give me the money to buy, if i have to go out with friend x who is also free on monday &wednesday, friend y who is only free on tuesday &wednesday, friend z who is only free on thursday.. (this could go on forever).. then what is my weekly schedule?

its madness. &im not even talkg about weekends. whywhywhyyy do i have so many things to do!

the earliest i reachd home last week was 9pm, &the latest 1130pm (i plannd to come home before 11pm to watch my survivor but i still missd half of it &i was so sad can!).

&im not even in jc yet.

then the saddest thing is, im losg my craziness. most people would already have realisd this. im not sure why, but i just am. im not losg joy, just craziness. maybe in a really crazy twist of life, im growg up. sighh.

nothg much to blog la,
cant get my thoughts straight, not sure why.

Live For You
lynette(:

verse 1
because you died for me
because you loved me so
i stand amazed
of all you've done

verse 2
my hope i find in you
my strength, only in you
in you i put my trust
only you

bridge
im not afraid to lift your name
to tell the world of your love
im not afraid for you are near
the cross is right behind me

chorus
i'll live for you
i'll live to glorify your name
and let the whole world see
what you've done in me
i'll shine for you
brighter than the brightest star
and i will tell the world
that you are real, Jesus

tag
i'll change the world
for you
(repeat)

verse 3
you gave me new life
you set me free
everyday, a new day
a brand new day with you

2007-02-24T14:09:00.000+08:00

More Than Life
Hillsong United

stand by everything You said
stand by the promises we made
let go of everything ive done
i'll run into Your open arms
and all i know

i love You more than life
i love You more than life

fall back on everything You've done
fall back on everlasting arms
when all the world is swept away
You are all the things i need
You're the air i breathe

how can it be
You were the one on the cross
lifted for all our shame?
how can it be
the scars in Your hands are for me?
You are the king of all

decided to skip edge (&corporate worship) today because of the tonsillitis.
which, by the way, is not really gettg that much better!

or maybe, like simon says,
its because im still eatg so much rubbish even though im supposd to be sick.
but i really dont feel sick, just that my throat hurts!
even though i supposedly have a fever.

whatever. i feel quite down.
its happeng again, im startg to miss a certain friend!
k that means i need to go pray now.

"for i know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." jeremiah 29:11

i hope, i pray, &i know somehow God will come through for me. &even if He doesnt, His plans are, forever &always, to prosper me, to give me a hope &a future.

2007-02-24T11:19:00.001+08:00

Rescue
Desperation Band

you are the source of the life
i cant be left behind
no one else will do
i will take hold of you

i need You Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can i go
theres no other name by
which i am saved
capture me with grace
i will follow you

this world has nothing for me
i will follow You
this world has nothing for me
i will follow You

i find myself fallg back away from God. slippg, slowly, far away.
i find myself startg to once again pretend im someone im not,
maskg myself into the perfect little person who "pleases" God.
once again, im losg myself, losg who i am.
once again, im scard of losg those i love.
ive lost so many, i dont want to lose any more.
i pretend im perfect, so they would have no reason to move on.
im scard, i dont want to lose who i am once more.
so many issues, unresolved,
as my past mistakes come back to haunt me again.
im scared..
Lord,
im scared.

but yet,
i know Youre near, forever watchg over me.
oh Lord, Youre so great.
how could You forgive me, time after time,
extend such unconditional love?
i can never comprehend Your love,
&i never will.
i hold on to Your love Lord.
it gives me strength.

i need you, Jesus.
im crying out, so desperate,
Lord come to my rescue.

"I-yes, I alone-am the only one who blots out your sins
for my own sake and will never think of them again." isaiah 43:25.

2007-02-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

today i realisd one thing: im really growg up. not as in, me, but as in, the people around me. the "kids" i used to know.. we're kids no more.

i wouldnt be able to count on one hand the number of people i know pregnant, or have been through abortion, or are going to go for abortion. nothg amazes me anymore.

i find myself thrown into a world of homosexuals, where i hear of my friends datg, bbrs, ggrs. &somehow, they expect me to accept them the way the are, as a couple. you know what, i cant. its just wrong.

i know more than one friend involvd in a bgr &cheatg on his/her partner, &i am expectd to accept it. thats what they call love.

i know friends, who commit suicide, who are depressd to a crazy extent. they say the craziest things, they do the stupidest things. &im supposd to accept it, because thats what comes with growg up, supposedly.

as the years go by, im faced with more &more worldly situations, temptations. &i admit, many times ive given in. but my Lord, great as He is, forgives me anyway. but yet now, i find the temptations much greater than they have ever been. i find myself pressd on every side, to give in, succumb to the way the world works.

is this what growg up is supposd to be like? well, i dont like it.

on another note..

the past few weeks, ive allowd myself to get tird. i allowd myself to get weary. once again, i startd to think about some friendship stuff all the time, &it was really draing me of energy.

once again i proclaim,
God never fails.

was so renewd at net this week, whopedeedooooo :D

not gna blog much because im really tird,
&this tonsillitis thing is startg to take its toll.
*frowns

ps; pray for me!

2007-02-22T17:17:00.000+08:00

despite my failures, despite my flaws, my Lord lovd me just as i am. such amazg love.. its incomprehensible.

nowadays many times i find myself feelg very weak, guilty. yet time after time, He assures me that im forgiven, that He loves me no matter what. &that in Him, i will find my strength. truly, such amazg love.. its incomprehensible.

He loves me, just as i am.
just as i am..
just as i am.

The Greatest Name
lynette(:

verse 1
Lord of all creation
to you i humbly bow
i lift my hands to praise You
just to make you smile
i look upon your wonders
and i am filled with awe
Your hand upon the sparrow
Your power in my life

bridge
i'll give you all thats due
all that you deserve
i'll give you all the praise
for you are great
and the world will
stop at your name

chorus
You are great
so mighty
there is none
that compares to your grace
You will reign
forever
King of my heart
how awesome is Your name

verse 2
Lord of the impossible
Your miracles so real
i hold on to Your promise
Your word has never failed
the Lord over my failures
all my guilt and my shame
the greatest love i ever fathomd
You died and rose again

"if you try and keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. but if you give up your life for me, you will find true life."
-matthew 16:25

a verse i really hold on to.
God take control.
help me give you control.

hey,
im really sorry for not being the friend you thought i was.
(you all know who you are.)

2007-02-22T14:46:00.000+08:00

quite abit of updatg to do.
firstly, i have tonsillitis.
it quite sucks.
&i have a fever but i tell you,
im so strong that i cant feel the fever! :D
omg im so strong. :D

skippd school anyway
because i find every opportunity i can to skip school,
&even though i feel perfectly fine,
got mc just use la.

soo!
decided to sakae with law yesterday,
&she treatd me.
but it wasnt a very good date
because my tonsillitis was startg to set in.
but i still ate more than her anyway(:
YAYY cheap thrills.
&then, i got treatd to dinner!
but by then i was becomg quite sick,
so i left halfway to see the doctor,
&rejoind them again later,
to watch, "just follow law". :D
which wasnt as impressive as i thought it would be.
(i got treatd to the movie too k.)

so in other words,
i got treatd to almost everythg yesterday,
(seriously, can you feel the love man!)
but didnt really enjoy it.

secondly,
my lousy ankle finally doesnt hurt anymore.
in case youre really slow,
i spraind it three weeks ago
but the bandage lastd two days,
cos i found the bandage quite irritatg.
&&, my ankle always sprains so im used to it.
lousy.

thirdly,
im makg huge improvements in school!
(:
thank you thank you,
jasminelaw, tangwaihong, joeltan.
with super much thanks to jasminelaw.
i think i might be able to make single digit aims for Os. :D

fourthly,
i really miss janiceang!
im just sayg this cos i know she wants me too.
heh.

fifthly,
obviously, i movd(:
i got pissd with xanga because its so hard to navigate.
sorry for movg so much,
not my fault my com lousy
&i cant see my own blog what.

i love you all.

2007-02-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

im going through a real time of learng now, which needless to say is really painful. but im really glad that im finally facg up to situations &learng from them, listeng to what God has to say. &, im excitd about what will happen after everythg is over.

the joels, sab,
im really, really, really, sorry.

Jesus,
what can i say. im sorry, grateful, &a million emotions rolld into one. but most of all, i love you. sorry for breakg your heart besters.

You Take It All Away
lynette(:

verse1
you take away my pain
you take away my sorrow
and you take away my shame
Lord you take it all away

verse2
you take away my guilt
you take away my burdens
and you take away circumstances
Lord you take it all away

bridge
i know you love me
just as i am
and i'll only find my rest in you
my Saviour

chorus
i can never tell you
how much i love you
and i can never express
how much i wanna thank you
all i can say is youre amazing
you are beautiful
wonderful, everything
to me

2007-02-15T19:59:00.000+08:00

blogspot is so retarded &im not sure why i cant see my blog! *frowns

aye but whatever, going to blog anyway until it works.

valentines day
vday in a girls school, is the BESTEST thing ever. ever, ever. this year, i went home with a bag full of goodies &roses(: (&then most things got spoild cos elisechia's chocolates meltd in my papaer bag. heh.) &halfway through the day, i startd feelg quite sad cos its my last vday in a girls school. ): I WILL MISS TK. i wna go to a girls jc too, i tell you. sighhh.

but anyhow, vday was super fun. runng around givg my cookies (my secret vday present isnt secret anymore!) which were wrappd in aluminium foil &lookd like the bbq potato so i told the whole world it was a potato &they believd me. :D haha yeah.

&i got a rose from a male stranger on the bus! :D HAHAHA k kiddg, i droppd one of my roses on the floor &he pickd it up for me. haha quite amusg, ive been going around tellg people that a male stranger gave me a rose which is so not true.

went to pp with jan, &then ran into lorraine, who was waitg for clare! my belovd clare chng who i miss like mad. so i decided to wait with her for awhile, &jan was super nice to wait with me(: we waitd for clare for like, half an hour? then i saw clare, huggd her, &went home with jan. haha we waitd half an hour just so i could spend two seconds with her, but it was worth the wait :D

loveee.

15th feb
ONE OF THE BESTEST DAYS OF 2007. ohk, see. the day startd out normal, slightly better than a normal day cos there arent any really stressful subs tday &i slept throught school. so yeah. then, after school, was waitg for janice to finish packg her bag, when, she suddenly askd me to turn around &look at the back door.

so i did, &i saw kimberly! i was like, "omg omg omg!" &i squeald (cant think of a better word to describe the sound i made.) &ran to her &practically threw myself into her la. heh. &then, if that wasnt already enough to make my day, she said "julia is here too, shes down the corridor." i was like, "omggg this is so not real!" but yes, i ran to julia &squeezd her :D i felt so happy, i almost cried(:

julia &kimberly, the ip kids, told us they came back to suprise us. &they really did(: so of course, we had to go out as the clique, julia, kim, michelle, lorraine, elise, evonne, ws &i. calld michelle &evonne, who already left school, &then we all went for lunch together, minus ws (the other ip kid) cos she was still in tj, havg class.

really, the happiest day i ever had in a very long while. the feelg of comfort, love &familiarity.. its indescribable, really. &i miss them so much.

ws came later on, after julia, kim, evonne&michelle left. was great, catchg up with her. nobody changd(:

i was just thinkg, i used to see the 7 of them, everyday. i used to talk, laugh, joke, share secrets, problems, everyday. for two years, we were the most bonded friends ive ever had, talkg so much, everyday. &now, i see the 7 of them in one day, &it already makes my day so much.

i really, really took for grantd the days i used to have. with my beloved clique, clare, joeltan, joelchua, sabrina, samuel, melanie &nick. those days, i really took all of them for grantd. but i never realisd, being able to talk to them, every single day, in itself was already such a huge blessg which i took for grantd.

so..
julia, kimberly, wanshi, elise, evonne, michelle, lorraine, clare, joeltan, joelchua, sabrina, samuel, melanie, nick, sorry for takg you all for grantd. even though the times we have to spend with each other nowadays are really, really few, from now onwards, im going to treasure whatever time we have together. &you all, all of you, have a very special, irreplaceable place in my heart.

janice, genevieve, shermaine, sylvia, liqin, jasmine, im not going to take you for grantd, &treasure whatever time we have left.

i love you all babes!
&dudes.

IM HAPPY.

(sorry jan &gen for cancellg lunch with you guys for my clique.)

2007-02-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

I Surrender All
lynette(:

verse
broken, i come to you
i pray you'll make me whole
helpless, i look to you
i know you're in control

bridge
you paid the price
for the wrong in my life
now i surrender all
to you Lord

chorus
have your way in me
cleanse my heart again
i need you so much now
words just cant explain
do a work in me
help me be like you
Jesus

tag
and i'll sing
you are God
you alone are God
(repeat)

you are God

Lord this is my one desire, this is the cry of my heart, to be right where you are. to sit at your feet, surrounded by your presence. to be filld by your love, your joy, your peace. your love never fails Lord. &i hold on tight to that truth. Lord change me, to be what you want me to be. you, &only you, can turn my world around. i love you Jesus. i pray, take all of me.

2007-02-08T22:02:00.000+08:00

10 years from now,
what do i want to be?
do i want to be what i am now,
or much more improvd?

do i really want to go through the pain,
of being changd by God?
or do i want to stay the way i am,
not realisg my faults &how i can change?

i have a choice to make.
i can either not let God mould me,
change me, because i dont want the pain,
or i can let Him take control.

i think i know what i should do.
what is best for me in the long run.
which, is not what i want.

i know a secret,
life isnt perfect.

it is impossible,
to find satisfaction in man.
it is impossible,
to find satisfaction in material possesions.
we just keep wantg more.
it is impossible,
for life to go the way you want,
not even half.

we all seek acceptance from man.
soon we will realise,
that will fail.
because man will never cease to disappoint.

when will i learn to set my eyes on God,
&only God?
when will i learn to put my hope in Him,
&only Him?

soon.
i promise you,
soon.

only God provides,
only God stands to the very end.